Sometimes it feels impossible to get ahead, the bills just keep piling up and money never gets saved! But one guy has figured out a surprising trick to balancing even the most perilous of budgets: never do anything that is remotely fun or enjoyable.
“Lots of people complain about not having enough money,” said fiscal genius David Park, “but there are lots of little things that you can do to save cash. Instead of taking my partner out for dinner on his birthday I just didn’t.”
Park has several tips for aspiring savers including using old newspapers instead of toilet paper, wearing your boots to bed instead of paying for heating, and stealing things. Like many millennials he has cut the cord, terminating his cable package and landline as well as internet, Netflix, CraveTV, cell service and electricity.
“All I can say is that it is always a blast dating David,” reports Park’s boyfriend Spencer Gorreski. “Nothing is sexier than fiscal responsibility. Except washing shirts in a sink while David rolls all the quarters we saved.”
David spends much of his time inspiring others to be frugal. He has written several blogs about the subject including ‘Cheat Day For Spending’ and ‘Paris for 0$ a day (just don’t go)’.
“I want to stress that I’m not doing because I’m poor, I’m actually quite wealthy,” said Parks.
“I’m just an arsehole.”