Kathleen Wynne loses Kathleen Wynne endorsement

TORONTO — As the provincial election looms, Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne announced that she is rescinding her endorsement of Liberal leader Kathleen Wynne. “This was a difficult decision,…

Canada responds to US tariffs by asking which Trump child they need to bribe

OTTAWA — Following Thursday’s Washington announcement of steel and aluminum tariffs against many of its closest allies, including Canada, Ottawa has asked which Trump kid they need to pay o…

Progress! Woman-friendly workplace installs crying room

VANCOUVER—As more and more women have fought their way into once male-dominated careers, some employers have been slow to adjust to the needs of female employees. But thanks to some creative and …

Drake: “I only love my bed and my mom and abortions”

TORONTO — After a scathing diss track by rapper Pusha T unearthed texts from Drake to a secret lover telling her to abort their child, Drake has amended a popular lyric from his hit song “G…

Samantha Bee apologizes for calling shitbag a cunt

NEW YORK CITY – Comedian Samantha Bee and TBS have issued an apology for calling noted shitbag Ivanka Trump a “feckless cunt” during a segment of “Full Frontal with Samantha Bee” about the …

Canada considers tariffs on US canned water

OTTAWA – As a retaliation in an escalating trade war between the US and the rest of the world, Canada is considering placing a 25% tariff on all American canned and glass bottled water incl…

Nation’s mothers just checking in to make sure you’ve brought a light jacket with you today

OTTAWA – As the weather fluctuates from warm to cold, the nation’s mothers are checking in with their adult children to make sure they’ve remembered to bring something along with them, “in …

Inspiring! This incel dealt with being single by making himself toxically unfuckable

We’ve all been there. You don’t have a main squeeze of your own, and it seems like everywhere you look are happy romantic couples who are going out of their way to make sure YOU don’t forget it. …

Friend who FaceTimed you with no warning text jailed

TORONTO – Toronto man Pat Kelly was jailed on Monday after attempting to FaceTime a close friend without first sending a courteous “I’m going to FaceTime you” text. The abrasive call came in arou…

Kathleen Wynne counters Doug Ford’s ‘Buck a Beer’ initiative with Toonie Negronis

TORONTO – In response to Doug Ford’s latest promise that he will bring back buck-a-beer pricing in Ontario, Liberal leader Kathleen Wynne has announced her own initiative to win over the he…