CALGARY – In a tactical move that experts are applauding for its cold-hearted precision, Meeghan Summers obliterated her long-time office rival Irina Kowalski with an “As per my last email” coup...
Mandatory anti-carbon tax stickers must be placed on the faces of all Ontario residents by today
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s new law requiring everyone in the province to stick an anti-carbon tax decal in the middle of their faces kicks in today. Officials from the Ministry of the...
Coconut oil can solve any problem, and yes I’d like to sell you some
By: Dennis Hopf The wheel. Penicillin. Coconut oil. Perfect inventions that unlocked humanity’s potential. During this boring bus ride, allow me to clarify in plain language why coconut oil will solve...
Court rules that mansion’s portal to hell not valid reason for buyer backing out of real estate deal
VANCOUVER – A BC court has ruled that nondisclosure of the existence of a portal to hell on a property does not entitle the purchaser to a refund of their deposit if they chose to terminate the ...
Canadians surprised enough people still watch The Simpsons to get offended about episode
ST. JOHN’S – A recent poll indicated that 97% of Canadians said that they were surprised The Simpsons still had enough viewers to cause a controversy in their country. “I haven’t watched that si...
Most affordable apartments in Toronto revealed to be bathroom stalls in club
TORONTO – A young professional in Toronto was astonished to learn that the city’s most affordable apartments are actually located in the bathroom stalls of a club, whose name and location remains anon...
STUDY: Average Canadian reads 97% less after getting too old for Scholastic book fair
HALIFAX — Researchers at Dalhousie University have determined that most Canadians’ volume of reading plummets over 97% after they leave elementary school, and thusly age out of the Scholastic bo...
Emergency officials construct fake disaster zone for politicians to disrupt
OTTAWA – Government officials at the federal, provincial, and municipal levels have finished the construction of a fake flooded area to distract political leaders from disrupting real disaster r...
Male feminist superhero fighting crime in heels to show solidarity
NEW YORK – The leader of the world’s most elite mixed gender superhero team is demonstrating his heroic nature in a different way this week by wearing heels to work in what he calls a gesture of...
7 fun facts about Canada that are neither fun nor facts
Have you ever wanted to know obscure, pointless, and flat-out inaccurate facts about this great nation, which will also leave you feeling kinda bummed out? Well, have we got a list for you! Check out ...
