TORONTO – A young professional in Toronto was astonished to learn that the city’s most affordable apartments are actually located in the bathroom stalls of a club, whose name and location remains anonymous due to the overwhelming amount of interest being shown in the units.
“After scouring housings ads for what seemed like eternity, I was thrilled to finally come across a reasonably-priced apartment that didn’t look like one of those ‘second locations’ on an episode Law & Order: SVU,” explained Jamie Green after coming across the post on “Bunz Home Zone.” Green continued, “It’s a bathroom stall, but with the amount that I’d be saving, I can really see myself turning this space into something beautiful— an extension of me.”
The units are renting at $400 a month all-inclusive, and like the majority of apartments in the city, requires first and last month’s rent, a credit check, and at least 8 references.
“I did read over the lease details and it all just seems completely reasonable to me,” Green said. “I need to act fast before the space gets taken by gaudy tenants with no vision.”
Amenities in the units include a sometimes-there porter that doubles as a bouncer, and pink soap that removes some of the dirt inside of your nails.
“You’re just not going to find a better deal downtown. The free `Wi-Fi is just decent enough for me to stream Schitt’s Creek, and don’t get me started on the never-ending supply of one-ply that I know I can easily make into two, even three-ply, toilet paper.”
In the event of late rent payment, the lease states that the landlord will accept the tenant’s liver as payment.
“I won’t have to pay for Spotify anymore either! There’s always going to be free music around, whether it’s “Old Town Road,” “7 Rings,” or the “Old Town Road” the remix with Billy Ray Cyrus. I’ll always have access to art, and so many people don’t have that luxury.”
Additional amenities include a working toilet and communal plunger; located next to a sink that doubles as a water station and and bathing area.
“I just know that every night will open me to new experiences. An invitation to a drunk stranger’s wedding, and then an invitation to a lifelong friendship,” Green said with hopeful smile. “I’m going to have neighbours that I can peek through to talk with if I ever feel the need to just, you know, let it all out! Figuratively speaking; emotionally. It’s free therapy, and that’s even more savings— they should really include that in the list of amenities. I’ll make sure to mention that during my interview.”
At press time, plans are being made to rent out accessible stalls as luxury suites in the near future.