TORONTO – In a move harshly criticized by environmentalists nationwide, the Ford government announced yesterday that it is cancelling a program that would have seen 50 million new trees planted in Ont...
The cast of The Wizard of Oz: Where are they now?
Everyone knows the beloved Hollywood classic The Wizard Of Oz. It has touched both young and old for generations, and ushered in a new age of fantastical cinema. But you wanna feel old? Following up o...
Study finds cycling healthiest way to get hit by a car
MONTREAL – Confirming the widely-held belief popular amongst people who commute by bicycle, a new study has found that cycling is by far the healthiest way to get hit by a car and laid out in th...
“I’m running for president,” Joe Biden whispers into the ears of an uncomfortable nation
WASHINGTON D.C. – Joe Biden announced his third run for the Democratic presidential nomination today by slinking his arms around the waist of The United States of America, smelling its hair and ...
The Top 5 documentaries that will kick start you right into a major depression
In our current cultural and political climate, truth is often stranger, scarier, and more uplifting than fiction – which is why it’s no surprise that documentaries are having a renaissance in 2019. No...
Avengers: Endgame is just 3 hours of jocks bullying you for liking comic book movies this much, nerd
HOLLYWOOD – Disney Marvel has revealed new details about the latest entry in their Avengers movie franchise, stating it will be 3 straight hours of highschool jocks bullying you for caring about...
Canadian officials wish garbage sent to Philippines had been labeled “drug lords” so it could have been disposed of, no questions asked
OTTAWA – Following Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte’s statement that he would “declare war” with Canada over a series of shipping containers of garbage sent to the Philippines years ago,...
Woman successfully beats murder rap using “Mercury in retrograde” defence
TORONTO – In a landmark ruling yesterday, 31-year-old Robin Whitewood was declared not guilty of the first-degree murder of her roommate Sharon after her lawyer successfully argued that Whitewood only...
Rest of Canada relieved they no longer have to cheer for Boston
MONTREAL – With the Boston’s 5-1 victory in game seven of the first round of the NHL playoffs, millions of Canadians expressed relief that they no longer have to passively watch and vindictively...
Teeny-tiny party from itty-bitty province wins adorably miniature election
CHARLOTTETOWN – The tiniest of the teeny of political parties from the petite province of PEI has won the most adorably small election, reports indicate. The itty-bitty islanders placed their po...
