Experts predict Black Panther and BlacKkKlansman will lose Best Picture to the one about a white guy who had a black friend once
LOS ANGELES – Following the recent announcement of the nominees for the Academy Awards, entertainment industry experts and Las Vegas oddsmakers agree that Black Panther and BlacKkKlansman a…
Train carrying fresh water derails, contaminating Alberta’s oil sands
FORT MCMURRAY, AB – A freight train carrying over 50,000 litres of fresh water has derailed, devastating several open pit mines and tailing ponds in the Fort McMurray area. No injuries were…
U.S. government shutdown forces border agents to cage children without pay
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The ongoing shutdown of the U.S. government has caused significant financial strain for the nation’s border patrol agents, who still have not been compensated for their v…
Man who sexually harassed coworkers wants everyone to know he sincerely regrets losing his job
CALGARY – A long, bright career ended today following dozens of accusations of sexual harassment against Larry Branson, and he is holding nothing back as he expresses his deep, heartfelt re…
Local man still slipping
OTTAWA – Martin Hendricks, 43, emerged from his house this morning and immediately began slipping on the ice build up on his driveway, only for the process of him falling to go on for an un…
Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year
TORONTO – The Ontario government has announced that it will balance the budget by 2020 as it will be transferring its entire debt of the province on second year sociology student and free t…
Chinese government incarcerates family of dead moon plant for failing the Party
BEIJING — In a swift and brutal raid last night, Chinese state officials arrested and jailed the family of the cotton sprout that withered and died just days after becoming the first plant …
Millennial taking spectre of nuclear war in stride
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Sources report thirty year old Caitlin Barnes is “pretty laid back” despite the very real possibility a single tweet could incinerate the world in a massive radioactive in…
Ford government solves Toronto housing crisis for everyone who is an MPP
TORONTO – In a surprise move sure to boost the party’s popularity among Torontonians, the Ontario Conservative government has completely solved Toronto’s housing crisis for ever…
Two weeks into diet, popcorn ceiling looking a little too delicious
RICHMOND HILL, ON – After a shaky start to her new year’s resolutions, a local woman’s diet progress collapsed when her popcorn ceiling started to look devilishly tempting. Helena Miller re…
