By conservative voice of reason Dan Stapleton There’s a lot of pearl clutching by the ultra-liberal left about my supposedly controversial opinions, but it only takes a little bit of fact checking to ...
Scientists confused, concerned after local man finishes spring mix salad pack before it gets gross
Thunder Bay, ON – Researchers at Lakehead University are baffled and more than a little distressed after discovering that local man Hunter Braddock finished an entire Spring Mix Salad package be...
Man with eyepatch tired of people assuming he’s interesting
BARRIE, ON – Local everyman Paul Huller is reportedly fed up with the misconception that he lives an exciting life due to the fact he wears an eyepatch. “I honestly don’t know where people get t...
Premier Ford injures hands from repetitive finger-wagging
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford was sent to the emergency room after injuring both hands from repetitive finger-wagging during a recent COVID-19 press conference. Ford’s two index fingers ar...
Government promises to fulfill promises it promised five years ago
OTTAWA – In a speech from the throne opening the new session of Parliament, the Liberal Party outlined their plan to get around to doing what they promised five years ago. “We’re so sorry, guys,...
Wall adjacent to Breonna Taylor’s apartment grateful for justice to have been served
LOUISVILLE, KY – After a botched narcotics raid resulted in the murder of 26-year-old EMT Breonna Taylor this March, a grand jury announced today that ex-officer Brett Hankison would face three counts...
“The extra C stands for Canada,” says newly christened Cconservative Party
OTTAWA – Canada’s official opposition party has unveiled a new logo and a new name to go with it, and are proudly inviting Canadians to say hello to the new Cconservatives. “We’re putting Canada...
Braless woman braces for nipply weather
MISSISSAUGA, ON 一 Since the start of September, staunch anti-bra advocate Laurel Cobb has been preparing herself and her nipples for colder autumn weather. “Fall is definitely the hardest season for u...
Parents think world-ending catastrophe actually huge opportunity for you
Zoom call, ON – Last Friday during a grueling 12 minute zoom call with your parents, they both explained that the current hopeless, terrible, deadly pandemic restricting everyone to stay inside ...
Local man vows to get even less done during second wave of COVID
TORONTO – Local man Todd Walters has made a resolution that should the COVID-19 virus force him into quarantine again, he will accomplish even less with the extra time off. “After I went back to...
