Tristan Bradley, Author at The Beaverton

Canada wins seat on UN Insecurity Council

NEW YORK – Claiming that they “will probably just fuck it up like we always do”, Canadian diplomats celebrated the country’s election to a seat on the United Nations Insecurity Council. “It…


TTC adequate for first time in 40 years

TORONTO – Bragging that it had been “two whole days” since they had to use shuttle buses, authorities report that for the first time since the late 20th century, Toronto’s mass transit syst…


Millennial taking spectre of nuclear war in stride

MISSISSAUGA, ON – Sources report thirty year old Caitlin Barnes is “pretty laid back” despite the very real possibility a single tweet could incinerate the world in a massive radioactive in…