TORONTO – After weeks of clearing unhoused individuals from Toronto parks in the middle of a Pandemic, Toronto Police finally left the residents outside Lamport Stadium alone after they said the...
Super flower blood moon trying way too hard to be interesting
News in Photos...
Father forbids Pfizer-vaccinated daughter to date Moderna-vaccinated boy
MILTON, ON – Reaffirming that his family is a “Pfizer family,” local father Harold Ludwig has forbidden his daughter Donna from dating a teenage “Moderna bad boy.” “I’m putting my foot down on t...
Calgary fans celebrate highlight of Flames’ season
CALGARY – After a long, gruelling season, Flames fans were finally able to celebrate a true victory when the Edmonton Oilers were shockingly swept out of the Playoffs. “You know, it’...
Turns out this beautiful butterfly was friends with Jeffrey Epstein
POINT PELEE, ON – From Bill Gates to Prince Andrew to Bill Clinton, the image of many famous and powerful men has been tainted by their association with Jeffrey Epstein. But perhaps the most sur...
UN names “Star Trek: TNG episode where Dr. Crusher bones the ghost that boned her grandma” humanity’s greatest cultural achievement
NEW YORK CITY, NY – The General Assembly of the United Nations has passed a resolution acknowledging the 1994 Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “Sub Rosa” as the most important cultural achieveme...
Ikea introduces pre-packaged little black hairs for men to sprinkle over their bathrooms
CONSHOHOCKEN, PA – Ikea today announced their latest product, the Grovahårstrån – pre-packaged little black hairs for single men to decoratively sprinkle all over their lonesome bathrooms....
Millions of Canadians cancel vaccine appointments since beating US only thing that mattered
OTTAWA – With Canada’s brittle sense of pride restored, millions of Canadians have cancelled their first and second COVID-19 vaccine appointments since beating the US in immunizations was really...
Trudeau hopes no one notices him having a three-dose summer
OTTAWA – While trying to keep Canadians optimistic about his plan for a “one-dose summer”, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is also doing his best to avoid being called out for having already recei...
Sick fuck stores milk carton on its side
Markham, ON – Local man, Mark Hamilton, stores his milk carton on it’s side like a goddamn fucking animal. “It’s just more ergonomic this way,” stated a deranged Hamilton, who wedged the aforeme...
