TORONTO – After a recent rash of stabbings on public transit, TTC officials and Mayor John Tory announced today there would be an increased security presence on all vehicles to prevent any …
Inspiring! These #vanlife influencers are destigmatizing homelessness for hot, rich 20-somethings
BRAMPTON, ON – Local 20-somethings Brittany McKennah and Lindseigh Tott are showing the world that living out of your van is nothing to be ashamed of, provided you’re hot, rich, and young. …
Oh no! Unread email continues to exist
WINNIPEG – Local account manager Meghan Gessele was horrified this week to discover that, upon returning to her workstation after using the restroom, an unread email she had left unread was…
Queen Elizabeth announces plan to outlive Charles, “no matter what it takes”
LONDON, UK – In a rare candid interview this week, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II announced her formal plan to outlive heir to the throne Prince Charles, “no matter the dark deeds required.…
OP-ED: You wearing a mask actually is infringing on my freedom by making me feel guilty and selfish
NOTE: The author of this op-ed has requested to remain anonymous (But not because I’m not proud of my opinion, okay?) I am a man of principle. It’s important to stick up for what you believe and …
“Sorry my place is so messy!” says friend whose floor is cleaner than your only plate
KINGSTON, ON – In a moment that could only be described as “a heartbreaking revelation of her own filth,” local woman Amanda Gessele was welcomed into the home of college friend Suzanne Tuf…
BREAKING: This man can explain why he invested in NFTs but not what an NFT is
TORONTO – Scientists in Toronto have made a startling discovery this week: local man Josh Clybourne is able to justify at length why he invested in NFTs, but seems physically incapable of d…
5 return-to-office tips for not being recognized as a husk of your former self
Uh oh! Your co-workers haven’t seen you in person since March of 2020, back when you were a hopeful idealist with a pep in her step and a contagious joie de vivre. Now you’re an empty shell only …
Ford calls 50 cent minimum wage hike “a little reward” for workers who survived covid
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced this week that the provincial minimum wage will be going up by $0.50 this fall, which he described as a “tasty little treat” for all those…
Study finds most criminals die without ever pulling off one last job
TORONTO – A recent study from the University of Toronto has confirmed that the majority of career criminals die without ever completing one last heist. “This ground-breaking study followed …
