OTTAWA – With Canada’s brittle sense of pride restored, millions of Canadians have cancelled their first and second COVID-19 vaccine appointments since beating the US in immunizations was really the only reason to get the jab.
“We did it,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau pointing to a chart showing 48.95% of Canada’s population being vaccinated compared to 48.2% of the US population. “We have restored our vain bragging rights affirming the nation’s collective identity of not being an American.”
Despite not even nearing the required 75% first dose rate required for herd immunity, the country has already declared victory over America’s COVID response.
“Our work here is done,” said Sandra Phillips of New Westminster, BC cancelling her vaccination for tomorrow. “I’m glad COVID is over and I can’t wait to watch the medal ceremonies.”
A recent poll indicated that 89% of Canadians got vaccinated just to wipe the smug smiles off of the faces of Americans. Another survey indicated that 94% of Canadians said that “we won!” unprompted followed by a loud goal horn.