SAINT-LOUIS-DU-HA!-HA!, QC – Taylor Swift fans – or colloquially known as “swifties” – are reportedly not as fast as their name suggests. “9 mins a kilometer” states anthropolog…
Historical landmark you travelled thousands of miles for under construction and will remain so for the duration of your trip
WORLDWIDE – Sources report that the historic landmark you travelled thousands of miles to witness is currently under construction, and will remain so as long as you are in the country. “Aw …
In event of cabin pressure change, air Canada instructs passengers to secure own mask before 360 roundhouse kicking the person next to them
THE SKY – Air Canada has recently released an update to their on-board safety procedures where, in the event of a cabin pressure change, they’re now instructing passengers to 360 roundhouse…
“Hey that actor was in Harry Potter!” says woman every 5 seconds while watching British tv show
DAWSON CITY, YK – Local woman Tess Coleman has reportedly exclaimed “hey, that actor was in Harry Potter” every five seconds, while watching a British TV show. “Here I am, watching the Serv…
Report: grandchildren can’t wait to greet grandma by accidentally kissing her on the lips
OTTAWA – A national report was released stating that Canadian grandchildren are ecstatic at the possibility of greeting grandma this holiday season, by accidentally kissing her on the lips.…
Country that took 11 days to mourn symbol of colonialism takes day to honour victims of colonialism
NATIONWIDE – Canadians that recently took 11 days to mourn the death of Queen Elizabeth II, a symbol of colonialism, have also taken September 30th to honour victims of said colonialism. “I…
Report: Couple posting photos all the time super happy, nothing wrong
VANCOUVER, BC – A recent report has concluded that couple Akhil Mangal and Mateo Burattii, who frequently post photos together, are super happy and nothing is wrong with their relationship.…
Representation Win! This new queer show features a buff gay man
MONTREAL, QC – Fans are calling for a representation win after this new queer show features a buff gay man. “The 2slgbtq+ community is such a diverse community,” began showrunner Max Gould.…
Owner walking large dog off leash on sidewalk really fucking cool
TORONTO – Local Cabbagetown resident Francine Dumont walks her 100 lbs Bullmastiff off leash because she’s really fucking cool. “Don’t worry, Max is super friendly!” called Dumont after a y…
Opinion: this hockey game would be so much better if they just kissed already
By: Chad “The Bear” Powell Oh man! This hockey game is the best thing ever! Goals! Hotdogs! Sitting in the stands cheering! AW SHIT! Are you seeing that? Those all stars are brawling like animals…