Vaccine season is finally here! Have you ever wondered which big pharma company made the perf vaccine for your astrological sign? We did hella research and here’s what we found out: Aries, Leo, and ...
Old computer has no idea it’s being used to shop for new computer
KAMLOOPS, BC – Trevor Adams’ 2010 Macbook Pro is completely oblivious to the fact that, despite years of loyal service, it is currently aiding Adams’ to find its replacement. “I do feel gu...
Liberals hold emergency session to teach MPs what cameras do
OTTAWA- After MP William Amos was caught with his pants down again in a public Zoom session, The Liberal Party has called an emergency session to show their caucus how cameras actually work as they cl...
Millennial woman horrified to learn she just wakes up early now
Dartmouth, NS – A millennial woman has been horrified to discover that she just wakes up early now, all on her own. Brittany Austin, 31, made the frightening discovery last weekend, when she attempted...
Local man learned not to trust media when he realized Pingu wasn’t speaking French
Thunder Bay, ON – Local man Matt Rabbior advised that his life long distrust of the “media-industrial complex” began when he was 14 and realized that the children’s claymation ...
Friends reunion mostly cast discussing how Frasier was better
LOS ANGELES, CA – The cast and crew of the highly anticipated Friends reunion special have admitted that the episode is primarily devoted to them talking about how Frasier was the vastly superior sitc...
“Birkenstocks are super comfy” reports woman with bloody, cut-up feet
Peterborough, ON – Local woman Jane Waite has been telling friends how comfortable her new Birkenstock sandals are, despite the numerous cuts, blisters and open wounds visible. “I could wa...
5 Gifts to buy your pregnant friend after you said “sorry” instead of “congratulations”
So, it happened. You’ve spent so many years helping your rhythm-method-loving friends fix their mistakes that you completely missed the turning point when everyone’s pregnancies became on purpos...
Quebec demands all emojis remove hijabs
QUEBEC – After a unanimous decision in the Quebec legislature on Wednesday, the provincial government motioned that all emojis remove hijabs for Quebec representation. “Other nations that ...
Anti-lockdown protestors compare Canada to the Nineteen Eighty-Four Wikipedia page
WINNIPEG – As anti-lockdown rallies continue in COVID hotspots across the country, several protestors compared the public health measures to the totalitarian ideology summarised on the Wikipedia page ...
