COSTA RICA – A Vancouver man boasting a 500-day Duolingo streak was stunned to discover during a recent vacation that conversations with real Spanish speakers are not, in fact, multiple choice.
The man in question, 34-year-old Tyler Miller, said he realized something was off from the start. “Day one at our resort, the bartender hit me with “Cómo estás?” I’m sorry, how am I supposed to answer that if I don’t know what my options are? Like, show me a menu or something.”
However, no such menu was on offer, a pattern that would only repeat itself during Tyler’s week-long stay. “Don’t get me wrong, I speak Spanish. After 500 days on Duolingo, how could I not? But it’s a little unfair to expect me to come up with all my own sentences and words and conjugations.”
Tyler’s wife Kelly Miller explained that her husband is accustomed to being offered a scrambled selection of words that are easily arranged into a Spanish sentence. “He even knows which word is first because it’s capitalized, and the one or two words he’s not supposed to use are always wildly off-topic,” said Kelly.
“If that’s not how real Spanish works, they should tell you in the app. There should be a pop-up or something.”
As difficult as Tyler found speaking Spanish, he found it even harder understanding it. “People kept saying Spanish things to me out of the blue. No heads-up about what the topic will be, no vocabulary review. Zero helpful owls. I didn’t know if people were telling me the beach is near the museum, or asking if my grandmother likes bananas.”
Tyler offered a stark warning to travellers hoping to practice their app-acquired Spanish skills in South America. “They literally expect you to know what they’re talking about based on nothing but the words they’re saying.”
Still, what shocked the Millers most of all was the unfavourable exchange rate. “Tyler came down here with 455 Gems, 33,000 XP, and he just got promoted to the Obsidian League. But what’s that worth down here?”
Tyler answered, “A big, fat nada.”
While the couple admits to coming home from their Costa Rican getaway disillusioned, they remain excited for travel to other destinations.
“Kelly’s got a 650-day streak in French, so we know the friendly people of Paris will be very impressed.”
