The Beaverton

Report: It never right temperature outside

LONDON, ON – In an explosively damning report published by the University of Western Ontario, researchers found that the temperature outside “never right.” Though the report was expected to…


Ellen comes out as mean

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Following a long period of open rumours, clear public hints and confirmed direct accounts, popular daytime talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has officially come out as mean. Th…