Every living premier in Ontario blames long-term care facilities problems on their predecessor
TORONTO – In the wake of the Canadian Military’s truly disturbing report about conditions in Ontario’s long-term care facilities, every Premier and former Premier has found and blamed…
Netflix to release a documentary on gay dogs: “There’s something there?”
Los Gatos, CA – People everywhere are at a loss for new content across many of the streaming giants, but it’s none other than OG streaming service and self-described “thots” Netflix that is…
Little Free Library implements more comprehensive Covid-19 strategy than White House
Eugene, OR- Following mounting concern for public safety during the current pandemic, a local Little Free Library is paving the way for appropriate crisis management after issuing a more comprehe…
Optimistic woman only burns June pages of 2020 planner
TORONTO – As provincial governments are taking slow and measured steps towards loosening social distancing regulations, 26 year-old Montana Tremeshko destroyed only the June pages of her 20…
6 ways to shift blame when people spot you in those Trinity Bellwoods photos
Look, we all make mistakes. Sometimes we text the wrong person, or we miss an appointment, or we congregate with a crowd of thousands in the midst of a pandemic, contributing to the spread of a d…
Editorial: I went to Trinity Bellwoods, but only because I miss urinating in bushes
By Annie Grunwil I, like hundreds of other Torontonians, made the mistake of going to Trinity Bellwoods Park this weekend, when it was far too crowded for attendees to maintain safe social distan…
Toronto refuses to lose to New York in COVID-19 case count
TORONTO – Some residents of Toronto disappointed with a lacklustre performance in the number of coronavirus cases came out to give their city a boost at Trinity Bellwoods Park. “We want Tor…
Fuckable Canadians exempted from new mask recommendation
OTTAWA – Canada’s chief public health officer officially recommended this week that non-sexy Canadians wear face masks when they are unable to maintain a two meter physical distance f…
Student that received CESB blows it all on single PDF textbook
ORILLIA, ON – Several days after receiving $1,250 from the Canada Emergency Student Benefit, Jackson Briggs was surprised to find that he had immediately spent the totality of the money on …
