Trump orders FEMA to put all their efforts into cleaning up devastation of Manafort guilty plea
WASHINGTON – The White House has released a statement authorizing the Federal Emergency Management Agency to redirect all of its resources to the destructive impact of Paul Manafort’s coope…
New Brunswick election update: New Brunswick appears to be having an election
FREDERICTION – Although unconfirmed, reports from inside the long forgotten land of New Brunswick suggests the locals are in the process of choosing a new Premier. “Obviously we don&#…
Starship from old ‘flying through space’ screensaver finally reaches destination
THE INTERNET – Fans of classic screensavers were privy to a very special sight today as the starship that has been live-streaming its journey in the form of the starfield/warp screensaver a…
Sir Topham Hatt resigns amid allegations of being “weird with the trains”
ISLAND OF SODOR – Sir Topham Hatt, the longtime controller of the North West Railway on the Island of Sodor, resigned at a press conference yesterday after several reports surfaced of bizar…
Undercover cop at high school successfully completes high school
Victoria, BC – After five years of fruitlessly investigating minor drug crimes at a local high school, sources have confirmed that undercover RCMP officer Frank ‘Frankie’ DeRosa…
Weird cousin performs two hours of knife tricks at family gathering
BURNABY BC – Guests of Aunt Linda’s annual summer barbeque were dumbfounded last Saturday when fourteen year-old Riley Cresswell performed knife tricks at them for 2 hours. “He dropped it a…
Poll finds 17% of Canadians would support Maxime Bernier’s party just to see look on Andrew Scheer’s face
OTTAWA—A new poll shows that a surprisingly high number of Canadians would support the new People’s Party launched by Maxime Bernier solely for the pleasure of watching Conservative leader Andrew…
Rise in conspiracy theories revealed to be driven by corkboard, string manufacturers
WASHINGTON D.C. — A federal task force has determined that the recent rise in online conspiracy theories has in fact been a well-coordinated plot by several powerful corporations designed t…
Eugene Melnyk figures now is a good time to ask Sens fans for another liver
OTTAWA – Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk has issued a statement through the organization asking the few remaining members of the Sens Army for another liver. In 2015, the Barbados-based…
Workplace round of Happy Birthday reveals no one sure of coworker’s name
CRANBROOK, B.C. – An otherwise ordinary round of Happy Birthday devolved into chaos at a crucial moment yesterday at the office of Cunningham & Partners, Ltd., exposing the office’s gen…
