Only consolation for homeowners who lost thousands from housing market cooling is the millions they’ve already made
OTTAWA – An Ottawa family is packing up their belongings and moving to what they hope will be their “forever home,” but they’ll be bringing a slightly smaller pile of cash…
BodyBreak duo returns to television for gritty origin story reboot
TORONTO – Netflix Canada announced today that they have signed a deal with BodyBreak creative team Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod to produce a new and updated origin story reboot of the beloved Ca…
Pope Francis closes Commonwealth Stadium mass with 52-yard Hail Mary
EDMONTON, AB – A massive open-air church service held at Commonwealth Stadium concluded when Pope Francis completed a 52-yard Hail Mary in the last few seconds of the mass’ regulation time.…
Feminist Ally only calls his girlfriend hysterical when she is actually on her period
SUDBURY, ON – Proud feminist Brad Daniels revealed that he only uses “hysterical”, a term that labels emotional women as hormonal, when it really is his girlfriend’s time of the month. Brad…
Canada sends Ukraine shipment of duct tape to fix earlier shipment of weapons
OTTAWA, ON- The Canadian government announced it would continue to support Ukrainian forces by sending an entire shipping container of duct tape to the embattled nation to aid in the repairs to t…
“We’re all going to get COVID eventually,” says man about to give you HPV
BRIDGEWATER – There’s no point trying to prevent COVID because we’re all just going to get it eventually, says a man who is perhaps only a few hours away from infecting you with human papil…
Hockey Canada sexual assault scandal a real shock to anyone who has never met a junior hockey player
CALGARY – The revelation that Canada’s junior hockey teams may have committed group sexual assaults on two different occasions, one of which Hockey Canada attempted to cover up, has come as…
Climate crisis: Popsicle consumption no longer looks erotic
OTTAWA – As temperatures rise across Canada, reports are rolling in that the searing heat has eliminated the titillation watching someone eat a popsicle used to provide. “My partner used to slowl…
New Texas laws prevent doctors from life-saving surgeries if cancerous tumour is one of those that grows teeth and hair
AUSTIN, TX – Shortly after the Supreme Court voted to overturn Roe v. Wade, Texas’ new laws against abortion have expanded to also include bans on life saving surgeries of cancerous tumours…
“Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee!” says co-worker who is still terrible after they’ve had their coffee
WHITBY, ON – Local office worker Lindy Jensen has reportedly started every morning at her job by telling co-workers not to talk to her until she’s had her coffee, despite the caffeine doing…
