Progressive RCMP policy requires officers to recite land acknowledgement before seizing indigenous land
OTTAWA – A progressive RCMP policy will require officers to read an indigenous land acknowledgement out loud every time they enforce a court ordered seizing of traditional indigenous land. …
Giving back to the community: Winnipeg police helicopter plays road hockey with local kids
WINNIPEG – Taking time out of its busy day of pursuing suspects from above, the Winnipeg Police Services helicopter was down to earth playing road hockey with some youngsters in the North E…
Breaking: Cat unimpressed
KAMLOOPS, BC – After several alarming reports, we can now confirm that the Jacobs family house cat, Jojo is not having any of it. “He won’t eat, he won’t respond to his name. He’s just kind of st…
Florida man growing increasingly suspicious of the perfectly normal day he’s having
Jacksonville, FL — Florida resident Dave Peterson has spent the majority of his afternoon desperately watching for potential threats after having a totally regular, non-headline-worthy day.…
Local stalker growing increasingly concerned about your poor dietary habits
TORONTO — Neighbourhood creep Roger Andrews wants you to know that he has been watching you every night for the past six months, and has become extremely worried about your increasingly dec…
Trudeau promises “best ever” reconciliation speech after RCMP break down Indigenous barricade for pipeline
HOUSTON, B.C. — As the RCMP arrested 14 people at the Gidimt’en camp, which is blocking access for pipeline construction, Prime Minister Trudeau pledged that his reconciliation speech…
Autopsy confirms Paddy Murphy died of alcohol poisoning
ST JOHN’S – An autopsy of Patrick Murphy has confirmed that the local man died after a long night of binge drinking with his friends on George Street. “Every drink in the place was full the…
New homestyle restaurant just Lean Cuisines from the 90’s
TORONTO – A new restaurant in Toronto’s hip Entertainment District, Microwave Loven, seeks to replicate home made, traditional comfort food from people’s childhood by mainly serving microwa…
Sandra Oh makes history by becoming first good thing to come out of Ottawa
OTTAWA – Last night was a night of firsts, as Sandra Oh became the first person of Asian descent to host the Golden Globes, the first woman of Asian descent to win multiple Golden Globes, a…
Scheer to follow awkward Christmas message with very awkward Valentines message
OTTAWA –- Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer has announced he will top his uncomfortable 2018 Christmas message to the nation with an even squickier video set to be released on February 14th. Acco…
