R-rated cut of Batman vs. Superman to include deleted ‘make-up sex’ scene
HOLLYWOOD – Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice director Zack Snyder has confirmed a forthcoming R-rated release of the film including a deleted scene of the two heroes reconciling sexuall…
Panelists decide which author to execute on day 3 of Canada Reads
TORONTO – Partway through another day of grueling debate, the Canada Reads panelists are still deciding which of the three remaining authors will be sacrificed today to guarantee another ye…
Tories slam Liberal budget’s reckless acknowledgement of First Nations, veterans
OTTAWA – Conservative Party leaders had harsh words for the federal budget tabled by Finance Minister Bill Morneau yesterday, blasting the Liberal government for its “irresponsible” acknowledgeme…
Rebel goes to bed without wearing her retainer
NORTH BAY, ON — In what is being called a rebellious act of defiance of society’s rules, 17-year-old Sarah Elea has gone to sleep without wearing her orthodontic retainer. The inciden…
Trudeau edges budget halfway off table to demonstrate it balancing itself
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has silenced critics by carefully placing the Liberal government’s budget halfway off of a table, where according to sources it teetered precariously …
Rob Ford’s death hitting nation way harder than expected
TORONTO – Although he was by all accounts a bad mayor and a deeply flawed person, the nation has been surprised to find itself bereft by the loss of one of its most notable public figures. …
Sophie Trudeau interrupts husband’s budget speech with spirited rendition of ‘Ol’ Man River.’
OTTAWA — Sophie Gregoire-Trudeau stole the spotlight from her husband today, halting his parliamentary budget speech with an inspiring interpretation of a classic piece of African American strugg…
Loudmouth spoils ending to World War II
SPOILER ALERT: World War II in Colour ANTIGONISH, NS — Local man Jacob Morley is infuriated after the ending of the Second World War was revealed to him while in the middle of watching a do…
North Korea continues to wage bitter war against the sea
SEOUL – South Korea’s Joint Chiefs of Staff have confirmed that North Korea launched a series of short range projectiles into the Sea of Japan on Monday morning, the latest salvo in North Korea’s…
Local depanneur sheds cocoon, emerges as majestic Couche-Tard
MONTREAL — Reports have come in that, in the early hours Tuesday morning, the depanneur on the corner of St. Laurent and St. Felicia had finally emerged from its cocoon as a glorious and be…
