Unhinged authoritarian son of privilege plans missile launch against same - The Beaverton

Unhinged authoritarian son of privilege plans missile launch against same

WASHINGTON/ PYONGYANG — Reports indicate that an egomaniacal dynastic head of state with a tenuous grip on reality is planning to launch missiles at essentially the exact same person from a rival nation.

“We will show the world, and our enemies, that my might is not to be questioned,” said the crazed autocrat, addressing his nation’s citizens directly. “The days are gone forever when our barbaric enemies could blackmail us with bombs.”

An administration spokesman, speaking on a state-allied news broadcast, elaborated on this message. “Our great leader knows the he is beloved by his people, and will crush his adversaries under his mighty boot.”

Analysts have determined that the proposed missile launch will be of little tactical value, and was reportedly ordered by the unbalanced tyrant following a passing whim. The nation’s leader allegedly demanded the show of ballistic force following a perceived slight by his counterpart across the Ocean. The question remains whether the unstable tactical neophyte will make good on his previously-stated desire to launch nuclear missiles at his enemies.

The relatively untested leader, who had no record of political or military service before assuming power, rose to office in a highly suspicious and widely questioned election. International monitors warn that the isolationist dictator, who has built a cult of personality around himself, has become increasingly erratic in his use of military force in recent weeks. While the secretive boy prince reportedly speaks to few outside of his tightly controlled bubble, insiders have speculated about his paranoid nature and desire to sacrifice his own people.

At press time, the rest of the world remained in shock that their collective lives could be endangered by someone with hair that preposterous.

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