THE GARAGE – A report commissioned after everyone listened to it and wondered if maybe it’s supposed to make that sound has concluded that “no, it is not.”
“It is designed to operate nearly silently, with only a slight, intermittent hum,” the report asserts. “Definitely not the with the regular squeak and sputter you are hearing now.”
Though no one wanted to admit that it is not supposed to make that sound – after all, returning it is a hassle, not to mention that all of Sunday afternoon was spent affixing it to the wall – it is now a foregone conclusion, according to the report, that it should not be making that sound, and that the wisest course of action now is to exchange it for a something that does not make that sound.
By press time, a new peer-reviewed study has found that there isn’t supposed to be any smoke coming out of it either.