Confirmed: It’s those damn kids again
COLLINGWOOD ON – A report released earlier today by a think tank of local curmudgeons, crabs and cranks has sadly confirmed what many in the curmudgeon community already knew: It’s those damn kid…
All-white, all-male reboot of “Hidden Figures” in the works
LOS ANGELES – Production has begun on an all white, male reboot of the hit 2016 movie Hidden Figures. The movie, titled simply, Figures, will tell the story of three caucasian men who don’t…
Ben Affleck to play Mao Zedong in upcoming biopic
In exciting news for fans of Ben Affleck, he has been tapped to play Mao Zedong, founder of the People’s Republic of China, in an upcoming biopic. “I couldn’t be more excited…
Scientists confirm we could just, like, be kind and love each other
MONTREAL – Scientists at McGill University have proven, using psychological studies, genetic research, and MRIs, that human beings could easily just take a chill pill and be generous to all…
Beaverton Russian Times
“Question questioning”…
Revolutionary new management book uses metaphor to explain management
VANCOUVER – Business luminaries the world over have been heaping praise on a new book entitled A Zebra on the Ladder, which is the first ever volume to teach managerial skills and philosoph…
Tories to support anti-racism motion if ‘Muslims’ are defined as ‘Jews’, ‘Christians’
OTTAWA – Certain members of the Conservative caucus said they would be willing to support the motion condemning Islamophobia so long as ‘Muslims’ are defined as ‘Jews’, ‘Christians’, or any…
Thing happens that we do not understand even remotely
THE INTERNET, PROBABLY – Swedish YouTube celebrity PewDiePie was disavowed by Disney and YouTube over anti-Semitic viral video content this week, in a story that we can not even begin to pr…
Progressive company introduces unisex boardrooms
MONTREAL – In an effort to promote inclusivity within their company, mutual fund giant QPM Investments has announced a bold new plan to introduce unisex boardrooms. “In 2017, having separate coun…
Editorial: Have you tried the healing powers of crystals? – by your coworker Julie
BY: YOUR COWORKER JULIE Greetings all, I know many of you made New Year’s Resolutions to get healthy – good for you! Such a brave step. I am proud of you! With so much misinformation about fad di…
