CALGARY – Roommates Amir Reza, Ashley Barker, and Kyle Garland have officially drawn up terms of surrender to the fruit fly forces occupying their 3 bedroom apartment. “We, the human residents o...
Man ghosts woman after 45 years of marriage
EDMONTON – After spending 45 years in a seemingly perfectly happy marriage, local husband Pierre Villeneuve has ghosted his wife Catherine. “The trick to a good ghosting means laying down ...
Andrew Scheer distances himself from The Rebel, will go ahead with op-ed in Eugenics Quarterly
OTTAWA – Following the website’s involvement in the Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally, Conservative party leader Andrew Scheer has decided to cut ties with The Rebel, planning instead to publish an...
Steve Bannon leaves White House in search of whiter house
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Stephen K. Bannon, White House strategist and de facto leader of the uncivil rights movement, has resigned from his post as the president’s most trusted advisor, citing a desi...
Woman of colour excited to compare tans with you
REGINA – This past Friday, Arththy Safeer was beyond excited to compare her ‘tan’ with co-worker Morgan Klein. “I love having my skin that I was born with used as a visual marker for how much su...
Leaving early enough to beat cottage traffic making local dad so fucking wet
OAKVILLE – This morning Chet Billingsley, a local father of three, organized his family into a 5:30 a.m. departure from their home in order to avoid cottage country traffic. As a result of this succes...
Johnny Depp surprises kids at local hospital dressed up as Amber Heard’s abuser
VANCOUVER – Spirits were high at the BC Children’s Hospital this week when actor Johnny Depp made a surprise appearance fully made up and in costume as the man who abused Amber Heard. The ...
Right-wing history buff objects to removal of Strom Thurmond’s bedbug infested mattress
Columbia, SC – A battle is brewing over the fate of a 40-year-old bedbug-ridden mattress believed to once have been slept on by deceased South Carolina Governor and Senator Strom Thurmond. Right...
NDP leadership race turns nasty as one candidate forgets to bring enough gluten-free cookies for everyone
OTTAWA – The NDP Leadership race took a shocking turn this week after candidate Niki Ashton brought only a dozen gluten-free cookies to Thursday’s debate, despite knowing that fellow candidate Charlie...
Ezra Levant somehow tanks white supremacist website during most racist time in recent memory
TORONTO – Despite a huge increase in racism and racial violence across North America and the presence of a white supremacist in the White House, Ezra Levant has somehow managed to entirely disma...
