HOUSTON – Following a copyediting oversight in NASA’s annual budget request, the U.S. government has approved financing for the space agency to conduct its first manned mission to Mark. The…
Biden wins election nine days after winning election
ATLANTA, GA – After final vote tallies from Arizona and Georgia, Joe Biden has won the U.S. presidential election only nine days after winning the U.S. presidential election. With a total o…
GOP proves existence of election fraud by committing election fraud
LOS ANGELES – The California Republican Party has announced “smoking gun” evidence of statewide election fraud, the existence of which has been a cornerstone of GOP efforts to delegitimize …
Trump holds another White House event to infect everyone he missed at last one
WASHINGTON – The White House has announced that President Donald Trump will be hosting an event on the South Lawn on Saturday, exactly two weeks after a dozen people were infected at Amy Ba…
Police seek public’s help identifying looters
American authorities are asking for the public’s help in a nationwide manhunt for two men caught on camera looting during a time of emergency. Witnesses say the men pictured took advantage of a h…
Justice Department decides doing a crime that you did doesn’t mean you did the crime that you definitely did
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Department of Justice has withdrawn charges against Donald Trump’s former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn. DOJ prosecutors had previously …
Trump ensures America’s stimulus checks will bounce by writing his name on them
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a rare display of business acumen, Donald Trump is saving the United States approximately $290 billion by having his name appear on the new round of stimulus checks to …
Local badass only washes hands for 15 seconds
VANCOUVER – Resident troublemaker James Bryant rocked the health-and-hygiene world yesterday when he announced he had been washing his hands for only 15 seconds at a time, a full 5 seconds …
Man who took 30 years to win one state considered “electable”
SOUTH CAROLINA – Joe Biden is now the presumptive nominee for the Democratic Party and the “man to beat,” following a primary win in South Carolina that only took him a third of a century t…
Democrats excited by early opportunity to tear themselves apart from within
DES MOINES, IA – The U.S. Democratic party is celebrating a rare win after a computer glitch at their Iowa primary gave them a chance to self-destruct earlier than they normally do in an el…