WASHINGTON D.C. – Responding to criticism that his recent executive order on childhood vaccines is medically unsound, President Trump has argued that its motivation was preventing kids from being…
Canadians just so goddamn tired of this bullshit
CANADA – Canadians across the country have collectively unleashed a sigh of agonized frustration while simultaneously stating “Again with this bullshit?” “Help me out in u…
Trump announces final Kennedy Centre show will be to host AVN Awards
WASHINGTON D.C. – In his efforts to remake the U.S. national centre for the performing arts in his own image, President Donald Trump has revealed that the Kennedy Center’s final production before…
JD Vance wondering if he’s proved his loyalty enough to be allowed to have sex with Oval Office couch
WASHINGTON D.C. – After completing several high profile missions on behalf of President Donald J. Trump, Vice President JD Vance has begun working up the courage to ask if he can finally be given…
FBI confirms everything seized in Mar-a-Lago raid very, very sticky
PALM BEACH, FL – FBI agents who recently participated in the raid on former President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort have revealed to the press that while they are still sifting through the relevance …
Doug Ford grants powers to new Strong Mayors, Fast Mayors, Heat-Vision Mayors
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has emerged from his secret underground laboratory to announce his successful creation of a new breed of mayor with the strength, speed, agility and superhuman…
FILM REVIEW: Squid Game porn parody gets real weird, real quick
HAMILTON – Hi again, loyal readers! I’m here to give you the inside scoop on everything film and I’m thrilled to tell you all that the newly released porn parody of hit Netflix series Squid Game …
Health Canada announces fully vaccinated people allowed to cough into each other’s mouths again
OTTAWA – Announcing a new set of guidelines for Canadians before assembled press, representatives with Health Canada have confirmed that vaccinated residents are now permitted to cough directly i…
Queen’s cousin dies
WINDSOR, UK – Representatives of the British Monarchy have confirmed the sad news that the long-ailing cousin of the Queen, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, has died. Prince Philip’s familial re…
Netfilx’s newest dating show asks: Can we get these sexy singles to fuck this tree?
LOS ANGELES – On the heels of the success of last year’s reality shows, Love is Blind and Too Hot to Handle, Netflix has announced the launch of a new reality dating show designed to answer…
