Which Pennywise will you fuck this Halloween?
Attending an adult Halloween party serves one goal and one goal only: How can you get laid while only feeling mildly inappropriate for sleeping with an institution from your childhood? If you wer…
Old German neighbour was probably just a cook or something
Waterloo, ON – After year of speculation experts agree the seemingly pleasant 95 year old German man, Charles Müller, probably just served as a cook or some other low level position during …
Quebec judge probably a little flattered by attention of judicial council, media
QUEBEC CITY – The court of public opinion has decided that Judge Jean-Paul Braun is probably enjoying the attention he is getting from the media and Quebec’s magistrate’s council now that his beh…
Settlers of Catalan declare independence, free ore and sheep for all
CATALONIA — Citizens of the Catalan region have voted to declare independence from Spain, while also promising free resource cards for all settlers. Thousands of settlers took to the street…
Friend with slow cooker suggests you get a slow cooker
MONCTON – Sources indicate that your friend, local data processor Jason Murray, has once again urged you to follow his lead and buy a slow cooker – the third such incident in the past…
New ‘Screemers’ haunted house features men explaining politics to women
TORONTO – Celebrating its 25th anniversary, popular horror entertainment company Screemers is adding a new attraction to their seven classic haunts, where guests are forced to endure a seri…
Following abortion clinic protest ban, man left with only 2,478 methods for screaming abuse at women
TORONTO – Local anti-choice activist Dan Jones is livid about a new bill passed by the Ontario legislature that leaves him only 2,478 other avenues to verbally abuse women. “There are only …
Elizabeth May to go as ‘major party leader’ for Halloween
OTTAWA – Green Party leader Elizabeth May has announced that she plans to get into the Halloween spirit by dressing up as a “major party leader” this October 31st. “Halloween is a chance to…
Morneau on fall fiscal update: ‘My stocks are doing great!’
OTTAWA – The federal Liberals are announcing good news about Canada’s economy: Finance Minister Bill Morneau stocks are booming. Forgoing the traditional fall fiscal update details such as …
Brave Senator who endorsed, voted for Trump praised for running away from situation he created as fast as possible
Luke and the Panel (Alex Huntley, Craig Fay and Marilla Wex) discuss the Liberals conveniently timed budget update, the ‘who gives a shit’ Bill Morneau scandal, Quebec’s attempt…
