Morneau on fall fiscal update: ‘My stocks are doing great!’ - The Beaverton
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Morneau on fall fiscal update: ‘My stocks are doing great!’

OTTAWA – The federal Liberals are announcing good news about Canada’s economy: Finance Minister stocks are booming.

Forgoing the traditional details such as employment rates, GDP growth, and the mounting deficit, the former CEO declared that his investments have grown by nearly 7.5% paying a dividend of over $150,000 per month.

“Morneau Shepell investments have shown a record growth, and I’d like to report that my networth has increased by $2 million over the past quarter,” said Morneau to the House of Commons. “All of this thanks to a sound fiscal policy of investing in things such as the middle class, innovation, and the Bombardier corporate welfare program.”

Despite his growing wealth, Morneau says he will invest more of his money into the fountain infrastructure program and luxury car subsidy at his French villa, rather than invest for a rainy day.

“Canadians will be reassured knowing that I’ve secured a stable seven-figure nest-egg for my retirement,” added Morneau before he was interrupted by an applauding Liberal caucus.