Settlers of Catalan declare independence, free ore and sheep for all - The Beaverton

Settlers of Catalan declare independence, free ore and sheep for all

— Citizens of the Catalan region have voted to declare independence from , while also promising free resource cards for all settlers.

Thousands of settlers took to the streets as Catalan president Carles Puigdemont insisted the time for independence had come. “For too long we have bowed to the yoke of Spain, only rolling two six-sided dice per turn,” the president proclaimed. “Once we are free, the people of Catalan shall take back the means of production, and build as many roads per turn as we see fit!”

The Catalonia independence movement has long argued for complete separation given the area’s unique language, profitable industrial growth, and four development cards.

Spain’s senate responded by voting to allow the imposition of direct rule through Article 155 of the constitution, after frantically reading the instructions included in the box.

Spain’s prime minister, Mariano Rajoy, vowed the rule of law would be restored in Catalan, and urged settlers to continue taking turns and building settlements as normal.

“We must restore order,” declared prime minister Rajoy. “If these unruly settlers do not cease this independence talk immediately, we will be forced to send out the robber token and steal all of their lumber.”

While the future of Catalan hangs in the balance, settlers on the street remain optimistic. “I do fear that the Spanish government will institute martial law,” added Catalan settler Luis Roja, 37. “But in the meantime, I intend to combine the promised free ore and sheep with this grain I’ve been saving. Then I can buy a development card!”

At press time, Prime Minister Rajoy was seen making troubling overtures to Risk, the game of world domination.

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