ANDERSON, SC – A thrilling spectacle unfolded over the skies of South Carolina on Sunday as the RCAF’s Snowbirds showcased their aircraft’s cutting-edge technology from the early 1960s. The pilo...
Ministry of Natural Resources announces new dooring quotas in annual cyclist cull
TORONTO – As the weather warms up, heralding the return of dooring season, the Ontario Ministry of Natural Resources has released new guidelines for the number of cyclists that motorists will be...
Facebook dating algorithm to find the perfect match for your carefully curated online persona
SILICON VALLEY – Taking a break from helping the Russian government tamper with American elections, Facebook has pivoted into the dating sphere, utilizing their infamous data collection to facil...
Ontario voters galvanized by Andrea Horwath’s platform of ‘Hey, me I guess?’
TORONTO – The provincial New Democrats are booming in the polls, thanks to Andrea Horwath’s electrifying platform of ‘hey, at this point it’s either me or worse Rob Ford.’ “Good e-nough! Good e-...
New Whatsapp update automatically inundates users with 43 voice messages from aunt
WATERLOO, ON – The free messaging application Whatsapp announced an update earlier this week that would automatically send users 43 messages from their aunt. The new feature presents users who i...
Equality win: A&W introduces Female Cousin Burger into male-dominated Burger family
NORTH VANCOUVER – Scoring an important victory for all women, A&W has announced a new addition to its menu aimed at narrowing the gender gap within their trademark Burger family. The all-new...
Local patio can’t wait for start of drunk asshole season
TORONTO – As the days get longer and the weather gets warmer, the patio at local restaurant Bennie’s is ramping up to Drunk Asshole season when it’ll finally be covered by boozy morons being lou...
TTC introduces new Presto Gold card for elite commuters who demand premium delays
TORONTO – After the success of Presto, their automated payment method, the TTC has unveiled their newest innovation: PrestoGold, a special, invite-only card for public transit’s creme de la crem...
Strike Watch: WestJet management skeptical pilots have the courage to walk off the job
CALGARY – As the date of the potential pilot strike gets closer, WestJet management wants to assure customers that the striking pilots won’t have the boldness and grit it takes to walk off a job...
Non-eccentric billionaire swims in pool filled with water
WINNIPEG, MB- Mundane tycoon Nigel Arkridge is taking a dip in an oval-shaped swimming pool filled with water instead of coins or gemstones. “Nigel is a bit of a non-weirdo to be honest.” Said Arkridg...
