WINNIPEG, MB- Mundane tycoon Nigel Arkridge is taking a dip in an oval-shaped swimming pool filled with water instead of coins or gemstones.
“Nigel is a bit of a non-weirdo to be honest.” Said Arkridge’s equally wealthy friend Johannes Nearly. “He has the tiniest liger you’ve ever seen. It almost just looks like a dog.”
Arkridge made his fortune through smart business strategy and reasonable investments, such as glass and wood. This may be why his only quirk is that in his house-shaped mansion, all his windows are made of glass and his doors wooden.
Arkridge is fully aware of his mild image. “I know the other billionaires are a little shocked by my reasonable behavior” Arkridge said, preparing for a trip where he would hunt non-endangered animals as opposed to inmates of a privatized prison.
“I just stick to the simple parts of the billionaire lifestyle. White collar crime, influencing political candidates, and staying one step ahead of my family’s’ attempts to kill me and inherit my fortune.”
At press time, Arkridge shocked his dinner guests by showing them his collection of jars filled with his own jams.