The Beaverton

Carney asks Santa for majority government, some scratch-offs

Local man would be angrier about Liberal’s undemocratic floor-crossing scheme if it wasn’t so funny to imagine Poilievre’s face

Quebec legislators brainstorming ideas for which religion to scapegoat next

Danielle Smith uses notwithstanding clause to declare herself premier of B.C.

New Campaign Manager excited to bring fresh, moderate ideas that Poilievre will ignore

The Beaverton Lives! It still needs your help to thrive

Heartwarming! This family run company is keeping nepotism alive

In an age of globalization, it’s heartening to know that there’s at least one faceless multinational corporation keeping the tradition of the family run business alive: global food giant T. D. Da…

Quiz: Are you one of the 96 ordinary citizens worthy of Leafs playoff tickets?

Only 96 Toronto Maple Leafs playoff tickets were available to the public for the team’s first home game. Are you worthy of one?…

Rest of Canada ‘super torn’ whether to support Winnipeg or Toronto in NHL playoffs

OTTAWA – As the NHL playoffs get started, Canadian hockey fans whose teams did not make the playoffs are faced with the incredibly difficult decision of whether to go with the Jets or Maple…

Local woman excited to replace old crush on emotionally unavailable man with new crush on emotionally unavailable man

Toronto – After setting aside her longtime crush on one emotionally unavailable and manipulative man, local woman Bronwyn Taylor is pleased to report she is now crushing on a completely new…

Notley to flood BC so pipelines reach Pacific

EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Rachel Notley has announced her proposal to sink the province of British Columbia to resolve the ongoing Trans Mountain Pipeline dispute with BC, and grant her pr…

Sweater weather update: east coast ravaged by huge cardigan cell

HALIFAX – Reports are coming in that Nova Scotia is being hit with terrible sweater weather, with prevalent high-speed cardigans and up to 80mm of tastefully embroidered guernseys in some a…

We wanted to do a list of the top 10 Canadian films of all time, but didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings so here are all of them

Here’s the quintessential Top 2,285 Canadian Films of All Time (and Counting) in no particular order because they’re all great and everyone will be happy: Glenn Gould: On/Off the Reco…