MONTREAL – Local woman Sara Cloutier’s decision to spread the word about cutting dairy products from her diet produced an unexpected but pleasurable sensation in her body over the weekend.
When reached for comment, a visibly flushed and lightly sweating Cloutier said, “It was pretty much an instant rush. A friend offered me a piece of cheesecake at a party, so I yelled to tell her from across the room that I’m off dairy. What happened next can only be described as a lightning bolt straight to my core.”
Cloutier reports feeling the same unique sensual thrill in all kinds of situations: at a recent picnic after bringing her own cashew cheese and delicately unwrapping it; correcting her local barista after she was given a cow’s milk latte; and making passionate eye contact with close friends while telling them that she has more energy than she ever thought possible.
What began as small talk quickly developed into an addiction. “If I don’t weigh the pros and cons of various nut and seed milks in a public space before noon my whole week is thrown off,” Cloutier explains, “but if I can find someone in an elevator in a strange office building that I’ve run into desperately looking for fresh ears and spend a few minutes basking in the glow of that stranger’s admiration of the purity of my preference for coconut ice cream over any other frozen dairy-based treat? That’s a guaranteed climax.”
At press time Cloutier was eating a teaspoon of Daiya cheese on a crowded bus.