Local man completely changes personality after being visited by three ghosts
Ach-To — As tends to happen to people on Christmas, local elderly man Luke Skywalker is alleged to have completely changed his personality with a seemingly supernatural abruptness. It is un…
TVA claims Montreal mosque asked construction workers to use Halal jackhammers
MONTREAL – Popular Quebec television station TVA has corrected a report that a Montreal-area mosque demanded women be expelled from a nearby construction site, amending the story with a cla…
Canadian government greenlights gritty film adaptation of Don’t Put It In Your Mouth PSA
TORONTO – Hoping to capitalize on millennial nostalgia through a newly awarded government grant, Canadian mega-studio Concerned Children’s Advertisers has greenlit a feature length adaptati…
As punishment for ethics violations, Trudeau to receive salary through Phoenix pay system
OTTAWA – After the Conflict of Interest Commissioner found him to be in violation of ethics rules for his vacation to Aga Khan’s private island, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will be punish…
Hot sibling placed at front in Christmas card photo
MONTREAL – For the sixteenth year in a row, flaxen haired, blue eyed Christine Wiley, 24, has been placed in front of lanky brother Jack Wiley, 17, and her brunette sister Lindsay Wiley, 28…
This year’s jar of preserves from friend reminder to throw out last year’s jar
CORNWALL, ON – Local citizen Karen Baker reports that the jar of tomato relish Tammy Hopper gave her at the end of a dinner party last night is the perfect reminder to throw out the jar of …
Have restaurants gone too far with cultural appropriation?
We sent our favourite chef turned reporter to investigate cultural appropriation in the restaurant industry.…
Toronto Maple Leafs celebrate world’s longest running uncorrected spelling mistake
TORONTO – Today the Toronto Maple Leafs commemorate a 100 year milestone: having a name containing a spelling mistake that has lasted without correction longer than any other spelling mista…
“$60 for 10GB” phone plans give Canadians euphoric glimpse of cell pricing everywhere else on Earth
CANADA — A limited time offer of 10GB of data for $60 per month by Canada’s main wireless providers have left Canadians reeling in ecstasy as they encounter cell plans that would be pretty …
Ottawa radio station still waiting for first caller to claim free Sens tickets
OTTAWA – Four days into a gruelling promotion, soft-rock radio station CKJP “The Buck” has yet to receive one caller in a contest for free tickets to an Ottawa Senators home game. The “Mike…