Yoplait scientists discover liquid yogurt on Mars
GRANBY, QC — From the Carl C. Yoplait Centre for Excellence in Dairy Sciences, a team of Canada’s top dairy astronomists addressed members of the press, Friday, to announce their discovery …
Locals finally notice restaurant has just been playing Styx’s ‘Styx’ on repeat for 20 years
FORT ERIE – Over the course of an extended brunch date at local institution Ted’s Fine Dining, one couple has discovered the only music that has been played at the restaurant during its 23 years …
Royal Baby to teach Master Class on being Royal Baby
LONDON – Master Class, the online education platform featuring celebrity instructors like Serena Williams and Martin Scorsese, has made history by signing a contract with the fetus inside K…
Local man starting to suspect shiny piece of plastic he bought is not actually bitcoin
REGINA – Timothy Bear has started to believe that they may be a slim chance that the 7 inch wide, shiny plastic coin he purchased may not be the piece of crypto currency that he initially t…
Worldwide bee extinction linked to Doug: The Amazing Bee-Eating Man
VANCOUVER – Scientists have finally narrowed down the cause of the mass bee extinction happening around the world to the activities of Doug Livingstone, professionally known as The Amazing Bee-Ea…
Orchestra scientists discover new superconductor
MONTREAL — McGill University researchers specializing in Orchestral Sciences have announced a newly discovered superconductor with astonishing implications for the future of music. “We now have a…
Pedicurist admits “Your feet are the grossest feet I’ve ever seen”
VANCOUVER, BC- After almost two straight hours, aesthetician Pia Montibaldi, the woman currently giving you a pedicure, has officially admitted, “Yes, your feet are the grossest feet I have ever …
CTV orders Beaverton New Year’s Eve special so funny, it will almost make 2017 worth it
TORONTO – In a move designed to lessen the terrible horror humanity has endured in 2017, CTV has commissioned a ‘year in review’ special from the Beaverton to air New Year’s Eve at 10pm. “O…
Local family celebrates daughter’s first training bra with ceremonial distancing of father
ST. CATHARINES, ON. – In a tradition dating back centuries, a local family’s youngest daughter, Dana Black, has been gifted her first training bra, a moment which is immediately followed by…
Santa’s nice list just one lady from Saskatoon
SASKATOON, SK – Leaked documents from earlier this morning have revealed the full contents of Santa Claus’ previously undisclosed naughty and nice lists, with many were surprised to learn t…