CALGARY, AB — A recent study has concluded that the number one choice of pornographic material for straight-identifying women is watching men sincerely apologize for the crap they have done.
“It was surprising”, claims male scientist John Fraser. “I was under the impression that most women get pleasure from viewing a man receiving pleasure, but turns out it’s way more complicated than that. Most women we interviewed derived the most pleasure from seeing a man tearfully say ‘I hurt you and I understand that. I am currently working on an action plan to be a better person and make you feel better.’”
Many studies have attempted to decode what visually stimulates female sexuality, however the female gaze has remained a mystery to the science community since Alfred Kinsey forgot women existed when he conducted his famous study in 1953.
“It was a no brainer”, says female participant Ally Strait. “They kept showing us images of naked bodies and different romantic scenarios. None of them were doing anything for me. Then I requested if we could watch that scene in ‘A Star is Born’ where Bradley Cooper apologizes to Lady Gaga’s character in rehab. Not to be crass, but the floodgates really opened after that.”
After showing the scene, the women in the study were questioned whether or not it was in fact Bradley Cooper that was sexually stimulating to them; but 9 out of 10 participants agreed that it was the sheer act of a man identifying that he did something wrong. Several participants noted that even hearing the words, “I’m sorry”, took them, scientifically speaking, from zero to ocean.
While many have disputed this study claiming that it is “super sexist” and “not all straight women date crap men, who do despicable acts”. However, the doctors who ran the study stand by their findings claiming, “We’re culling from a small selection of applicants, true, but let’s be honest, the way men are… c’mon”.
With the study concluding that apologies are the top pick of pornography, the other choices rounding out the top three were, men fully comprehending why the “Me Too” movement is occurring, and doggystyle vids.