TORONTO – After much self-discovery and countless hours of psychotherapy, Ana Simonetta, has officially discovered that her deep seated fear of flying on a plane is derived from the undeniable fact that flying is absolutely terrifying.
“I have been seeing a therapist twice a week for six months about this issue,” confirmed Simonetta. “And what we definitively figured out is; being inside a metal “bird-like machine” with no space to move, while being launched thousands of miles into the air is really really horrifying.”
“If anything, you’re the crazy one if you’re not scared of flying. IF MAN WAS MEANT TO BE IN THE AIR WE WOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN WINGS!” she added.
While many studies have proven that air travel is still consistently one of the safest forms of transportation, what the studies haven’t taken into consideration is why can’t you feel the speed of how you’re actually moving when inside a plane? One can feel the speed when in a car, why wouldn’t it be applicable to the car of the air: a plane? And don’t say science is the reason, because it is for sure some form of witchcraft.
“After many hours we came to a natural conclusion,” stated Simonetta’s psychotherapist Dr. Woodsworth. “While I was attempting to find the source of her fear, I realized, Ana’s not scared because of her need for control in all situations. Ana is scared because you ever see a plane try to land when there’s a lot of clouds? It’s so bumpy and spooky. So the conclusion is, we should all be scared of flying. My feet need to stay on the ground so I can be safe forever and do good therapy-ing.”
Despite the statistics showing the safety of flying Simonetta has taken to travelling by any other means and suggests others should follow in her footsteps literally. “Walking is the safest way to travel, so I walk everywhere now”, says Simonetta “And I’m only ever forty five minutes late, tops!”
At press time Simonetta was thrilled to have a really good excuse to not be a bridesmaid at her cousin’s destination wedding.