Friend who FaceTimed you with no warning text jailed
TORONTO – Toronto man Pat Kelly was jailed on Monday after attempting to FaceTime a close friend without first sending a courteous “I’m going to FaceTime you” text. The abrasive call came in arou…
Kathleen Wynne counters Doug Ford’s ‘Buck a Beer’ initiative with Toonie Negronis
TORONTO – In response to Doug Ford’s latest promise that he will bring back buck-a-beer pricing in Ontario, Liberal leader Kathleen Wynne has announced her own initiative to win over the he…
Haunted Crater music festival announces 2018 lineup and investigation into fate of 2017 lineup
Peterborough, ON — Organizers for the Haunted Crater music festival have announced their headline acts for 2018, and a crack team of paranormal investigators to uncover what happened to last year…
Rachel Notley eats raw bitumen to show the world it’s safe
EDMONTON – Fresh off the Trans Mountain pipeline nationalization announcement, a confident Alberta Premier has reassured the world that undiluted bitumen is completely safe by eating some o…
Trend Alert! Plastic straws are out, shaming people for using them is in
The British Invasion is back and better than ever, thanks to Theresa May’s anti-straw ban that will soon take effect in UK. North America is in a tizzy over this season’s most revolting accessory…
Airliner permits woman’s comfort whale onto plane
VANCOUVER – An Air Canada spokesperson has confirmed that a Vancouver woman has been allowed to take her comfort humpback whale onto an international flight from Vancouver to Hawaii. A pass…
BREAKING: Roseanne hired as White House press secretary
WASHINGTON D.C. — After her rebooted sitcom was cancelled by ABC following the star’s racist tweets, actress Roseanne Barr has been hired as press secretary for the Trump White House. The t…
Justin Trudeau joins long list of passionate environmentalists who own, operate oil pipelines
OTTAWA – With today’s announcement that his government would be purchasing the Trans Mountain pipeline from Kinder Morgan, Prime Minister Trudeau has become just the latest committed climat…
Meet the Doug Ford campaign’s hotshot economist: Frank, who is a good guy
ETOBICOKE, ON – With the Conservatives still polling strongly, party insiders say the secret to Ford’s ongoing success is the brilliance of chief economic advisor Frank: a good buddy who’s helped…
Men: Here are 5 ways to get your slim, ripped winter body into peak “Dad Bod” for summer
Hey single men out there, we all know how hard it is to maintain that soft, perfect dad bod shape, the one that makes the ladies say, “Oh yeah, he’s definitely good father material.” We’ve all do…
