REPORT: Cards Against Humanity officially surpasses acoustic guitars as the most annoying thing you can bring to a party
VICTORIA, BC – After data collection from thousands of parties across the country, reports are coming in that the annoying person who brings an acoustic guitar to a party is now officially …
Every patron on bar patio loudly praising craft beer
TORONTO – The warm summer air was alive with the sound of admiration this weekend as every patron on a local patio praised their choice of beverage with conspicuous enthusiasm. “THIS SAISON…
Polite missionary patiently waiting for smarmy undergraduate philosophy student to stop fucking talking
TORONTO – Braxton Warmington, 18, a Mormon missionary, was busy nodding his head in polite agreement earlier today while local University student, Corey Langhart, 20, castigated him for sev…
Quiz for new University graduates: which entry-level retail job is right for you?
Attention recent University grads! Now that you’ve studied for years and gone into thousands of dollars of debt it’s time to find a low-paying job for the next ten years until enough Boomer…
Victory: Canadians celebrate Team Canada’s default participation in 2026 World Cup
MOSCOW – Canada has broken its decades old drought of participating in the World Cup after pulling off a shocking victory by co-hosting the global competition in 2026 and therefore a spot i…
Love hack! Pete Davidson got a tattoo of everyone he met until someone agreed to marry him
After a whirlwind three week romance, comedian Pete Davidson and pop messiah Ariana Grande are engaged! But how did their relationship escalate from DMs to ‘I do’s’? Davidson lets us in on his li…
Trudeau responds to escalating trade war by mobilizing nation’s Settlers of Catan players
OTTAWA – In addition to new levies on American goods, Justin Trudeau has reacted to US President Trump’s escalating trade war by calling in Canada’s most skilled players of Settlers of Cata…
Canada gains numerous concessions from Trump after becoming a ruthless dictatorship pursuing WMDs
OTTAWA – US tariffs on Canadian aluminum and steel have been promptly lifted after Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has impressed US President Donald Trump with numerous human rights violation…
Patriotism: This Canadian chugs a carton of milk to show support for the dairy board even though he’s lactose intolerant
Donald Trump’s attack on Canada’s Dairy Board has inspired one proud Canuck to show his country will not be intimidated by drinking 2 L of pure Canadian milk despite the fact he’s lactose intoler…
Local woman suggests stopping at the ‘good’ ONroute
PORT HOPE, ON – After repeatedly being asked to pull over so that her driving companion could go pee, Hannah Weisman insisted on forgoing several rest stops in favour of the ‘good’ ONroute.…
