QUIZ: Are you a good writer or do you just employ ostentatious adjectives liberally? - The Beaverton

QUIZ: Are you a good writer or do you just employ ostentatious adjectives liberally?

Chances are if you possess the literacy skills to read the following questions, you’ve also probably thrown together some letters to forms words in sentences to express your thoughts. Perchance a scathing email to your employer that you’ve saved in your drafts but are to afraid to send, or even a half-hearted “Happy 60th Anniversary!” in a card your mom forced you to sign for your grandparents.

But real writing takes craftsmanship, or in craftspersonship in Trudeau’s Canada, and a thorough understanding of the role of adjectives in process of prolonging a narrative. So… you think you can write?

1. Do you think of yourself as a good writer?
I don’t think I’m the worst?
I would describe myself more as an artist, one who weaves together abstract but also very specific mental occurrences to tell the tale of humanity that has been striped bare of its humanity.
2. Do others think of you as a writer, let alone a good one?
I haven’t had the courage to show anyone anything I’ve written on my Medium page.
The scant opinion of peers is as consequential to the creative process as a speck of dust is to the weight of the universe. As a result, I would never consult with others on the matters of the literary production of mine exposed soul.
3. What genre of literature excites you?
Uh, probably fantasy. For the mythical creatures, action, and abundance of graphic sex scenes that are integral to the development of the plot.
I prefer the gritty realities present in modernist non-fiction autobiographical texts. Something that interlaces the depressing generational family epic of the author with a slight allusion to the moralistic stories of the Old Testament.
4. How often do you take the quill to parchment?
More often I’d say I take fingers to laptop keyboard, and even then, rarely.
I have read that many published authors practice and fine-tune their art by writing rigorously everyday, however I am not a published author, therefore I write only when lady luck and lady inspiration take hold of me, and even then, rarely.
5. Where do your ideas come from?
To tell you the truth I think they’re all actually storylines from Seinfeld that my subconscious makes me believe are my own thoughts.
My ideas are birthed from the vividly horrific hallucinations that relentlessly haunt me every hour of every day of my harrowing life.
6. It was a dark and stormy _____ ?
Night! Sweet! I win the quiz!
Night. A night unlike any other dark and stormy night before it. A night that would mark the cataclysmic difference between young men and slightly older, but still categorically young men. A night so torturous that one would question what heartless a Creator would possibly conjure the following fateful series of events that had transpired.
QUIZ: Are you a good writer or do you just employ ostentatious adjectives liberally?
Okay-ish Writer
You are probably quite a decent writer but fat chance getting published on McSweeney’s with your restrained use of adjectives bozo.
QUIZ: Are you a good writer or do you just employ ostentatious adjectives liberally?
A singular and unparalleled writer the likes of which has never existed has graced our quiz.
You are not merely a writer. You beat and hammer together words, and from your blacksmith’s forge you wrought together stories that inspire tens of people, most important of which is yourself. For your ability to dress each noun, to modify them with adjectives to denote the quality, quantity, and extent of the thing named, you have solidified a place for your nom de plume alongside Aristotle, Mark Twain, and Danielle Steel.

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