OTTAWA – Following Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte’s statement that he would “declare war” with Canada over a series of shipping containers of garbage sent to the Philippines years ago, Canadian Environment Minister Catherine McKenna expressed her regret that the containers hadn’t simply been listed as being full of suspected drug lords in order to ensure a hasty disposal.
“Regrettably a Canadian company labeled over a hundred containers of waste as ‘recyclable plastics’, perhaps hoping nobody would notice,” explained McKenna in a statement. “This terrible misunderstanding could have been avoided with better labeling. They didn’t even have to state that the containers they wanted to get rid of had drug lords in them. Simply insinuating that a drug user might possibly be inside would have been sufficient to ensure that the contents would be destroyed and dumped by the side of the road without any further investigation.”
During a recent trip to the Philippines, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau attempted to convince President Duterte to simply dispose of the containers by commenting “Do you hear that? It sounds like they’ve got a bunch of acoustic guitars going in there.”
In a recent press conference, President Duterte stated “I will declare war on Canada for blatantly ignoring the environmental regulations of the United Nations, an organization I happen to have no respect for whatsoever.”
Duterte has given Trudeau one week to take back the containers, stating “Canada cannot simply ship away their problems to another country! That is utterly irresponsible! Problems are made to be murdered!”