Rest of country to Vancouver: We get it, you have good sushi
VANCOUVER – An official statement from the rest of Canada addressed to the city of Vancouver was released yesterday, acknowledging that while the quality and taste of the municipality’s Jap…
Vice reporter regrets taking so many drugs before parliamentary press gallery
OTTAWA — Steve Tering, a recent hire for Vice media, is currently wishing he had not consumed a variety of uppers, downers and hallucinogens before trying to cover a routine press gallery a…
Barbie celebrates 60th birthday by retiring from 200 jobs
Malibu, CA – Barbie is turning 60 years old today and she’s marking entering her seventh decade by doing what many sexagenarians do: retiring from hundreds of jobs. “It’s not that I don’t l…
Scheer claims reports he endorsed Pizzagate merely distraction from important issue of whether Trudeau is Fidel Castro’s son
OTTAWA – Conservative leader Andrew Scheer is fighting back against reports that he endorsed the absurd Pizzagate conspiracy theory by saying the left wing media is merely trying to distrac…
SNC-Lavalin responds to corruption charges: ‘We’re still the most law-abiding company in Montreal’
MONTREAL – Engineering company SNC Lavalin held a press conference this week, claiming that despite corruption charges, they are still “by far the most honest company in Montreal.” Company …
Three superhero movies this decade with female leads? What’s next? A FOURTH!?!
By: Greg Anderson Captain Marvel comes out this weekend, and I have to say, this onslaught of female superheroes makes me very uncomfortable. This decade alone we already had one, then the other …
Team of Mascots arrive from the future to kill Gritty before he gets too powerful
PHILADELPHIA – Mayhem broke out at the Wells Fargo Center this evening, when a Flyers practice was interrupted as an interdimensional portal opened up with several grizzled looking NHL masc…
Ontario Healthcare system cuts budget by using Flintstones chewable vitamins for everything
TORONTO – Ontario Hospitals and Pharmacies formally announced their plans to cut costs and benefit the taxpayer by switching all medicines and therapies to Flintstones chewable vitamins. “T…
7 Millennial job-hunting strategies that aren’t just lying down and waiting for death to take you
The job market sure is depressing these days – from growing automation, to the gig economy, to the inevitable climate change apocalypse that will render everything you do meaningless anyway. But …
Last person to use Toronto’s Union Station pre-construction dies of old age
TORONTO – Florence Green, the last person in the world to travel through Toronto’s Union Station before the renovation began, has died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 112. “Our belove…
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