Life Hack: You can just LIE about going to the gym
For those struggling to find the time to fit an active routine into their already busy lifestyle, the good news is you may no longer need to worry about achieving such a perfect balance as you ma…
Faith Goldy promotes diversity by opening up mayoral campaign to Italians
TORONTO — Toronto mayoral candidate and avowed white nationalist Faith Goldy has announced a new ‘diversity initiative’, wherein her campaign will expand its messaging to include Italian vo…
Nova Scotia Health Authority reminds residents to hold off on heart attacks until ERs re-open
HALIFAX – The Nova Scotia Health Authority is reminding residents affected by ER closures to stop any heart attacks, strokes, and any other health emergency, and resume them when the facili…
Ontario PC party says it wasn’t fear-mongering to describe refugees as fire-breathing, 12ft tall bat-creatures
TORONTO – Lisa MacLeod, Ontario’s new social-services minister, says she wasn’t trying to stoke anti-immigrant fears when she described all refugees as huge demons whose breath can reduce a…
Climate wondering how much it has to change before humans notice
EARTH — After breaking records with sweltering mid-summer temperatures, the Climate for the planet Earth is reportedly at a loss as to how much it needs to change before eliciting any respo…
History buff not old enough to have lived through any meaningful history
OTTAWA – Young history fanatic Eric Guzan spent yet another day bemoaning the fact that he was not conceived at a more exciting and meaningful point in history. “Everyone knows that the pre…
Bike thieves demand separate bike-thief lanes
KAMLOOPS, BC – A group of bicycle thieves are petitioning the local government to construct more protected routes for those who regularly steal bikes. The group of small-time criminals say …
Pervy breeze caught blowing up dozens of skirts
SYDNEY N.S. – Footage has emerged on social media revealing a nefarious breeze reaching up the clothing of dozens of different people to tickle or caress their bare skin without consent. A …
Studio pulls Mission: Impossible – Fallout from theatres after realizing it has the same female character as the last one
LOS ANGELES – Paramount Pictures is pulling the latest Mission: Impossible sequel from theatres and promising refunds for advanced ticket sales after concluding it was antithetical to the s…
Oh no! The Trump baby balloon learned to speak and now it’s calling Theresa May the C-word!
The good news: The Trump baby balloon, a hilarious helium blimp making a mocking caricature of Donald Trump has delighted anti-Trump protesters in London and become an all-out international sensa…
