New law requires Quebec to show its racism visibly

QUEBEC CITY – Quebec Premier François Legault has announced that his government has passed legislation requiring all citizens of Quebec to visibly show their contempt for religious and raci…

Doug Ford demands officer who carded Masai Ujiri be allowed to march in Raptors parade

TORONTO – Once again standing up for the rights of police officers everywhere, Ontario Premier Doug Ford demanded today that the unnamed officer who reportedly stopped and shoved team manag…

BREAKING: Somebody liked a pic you posted two years ago

THE INTERNET – Social media notifications have confirmed that a photo of yourself that you posted more than two years ago on a day when you felt cute has received a new like, prompting a de…

Insurance industry warns that single-payer pharmacare could reduce their access to our money

OTTAWA – Following the recommendation of an expert panel that Canada switch to a universal pharmacare plan, the insurance industry is cautioning such a move would create a drastic reduction…

World in shock after better team wins

TORONTO – In the days after the Toronto Raptors defeated Golden State to win their first NBA championship, sports analysts and fans expressed their disbelief that the Warriors could ever fa…

Sarah Sanders looking forward to spending more time lying to her family

WASHINGTON, DC – U.S. President Donald Trump has announced that Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be leaving her post as White House press secretary at the end of June, following nearly two years…

Oh no! Kawhi Leonard is now King of the North and he has no idea how to give legislation Royal Assent!

Now that Kawhi Leonard has been crowned King of the North and has replaced the Queen as our Sovereign, he’s got no clue on how to issue a Royal Assent, appoint a Prime Minister or proroguing Parl…

Kawhi Leonard celebrates by staring at different wall

TORONTO — Following the Raptor’s first ever NBA championship victory, and his win as series MVP, Kawhi Leonard reportedly let his emotions run wild by turning slightly to his left, and star…

Update: Fuck hockey

TORONTO – Earlier reports indicate that the nation has collectively said ‘fuck it’ to hockey since basketball is now the official sport of Canada. Despite hundreds of billions of hours the …

Joe Biden campaign begs parents to stop letting their children interact with Joe Biden

PHILADELPHIA – Joe Biden’s presidential campaign made the unprecedented move today of pleading with his supporters to stop bringing children to any event attended by the former vice preside…