Bernie Sanders released from hospital, promises to be every bit as old as before - The Beaverton
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Bernie Sanders released from hospital, promises to be every bit as old as before

LAS VEGAS – While recovering from a sudden heart attack, US Senator and 2020 Presidential candidate promised supporters he will return to the race with a renewed commitment to remaining very, very old.

“Like many Americans, I encountered a health crisis last week,” Sanders said in a press conference. “But let nobody doubt that this incident has only heightened my resolve to keep on maintaining, and even adding, years to my age.”

Sanders’ attending doctor issued a statement reassuring voters that despite having two stents inserted in his heart, Sanders is, at 78, fully capable of being a just really historically elderly President.

As critics expressed concerns about Sanders’ ability to continue to maintain the level of age voters have come to associate with him, supporters came to his aid on Twitter and Facebook, praising the Senator’s consistent age. “Sure, lots of politicians say they’re old when it’s convenient. But no candidate has been old for as long as Bernie Sanders has been old. Have you seen the pictures? He’s been old since the 90’s!”

“And he’s running now! It’s almost like he doesn’t actually care if he gets to be President,” one supporter added. “Cool!”

While some have suggested that Sanders’ recent health issues might be an indication of further physical troubles should he become President, a spokesperson dismissed these concerns.

“Bernie committed not only to becoming the oldest President ever, he wants every American to not be weird about it if his Vice President is also super old”

“Now more than ever, it’s important that he get into office.”

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