Hung stocking absolutely stuffed

NORTH OF MY POLE – Oh dear God in Heaven above, early reports state that the Anderson family stockings are not only hung, but absolutely fucking stuffed. Little naughty sources say that the…

Saskatchewan school Christmas pageant replaces Baby Jesus with barrel of crude

OXBOW, SK – Reaffirming the community’s commitment to the oil and gas industry, a local Saskatchewan elementary school is reframing the story of Christmas into the miracle of Canada’s oil a…

Do you want a relationship or did you leave the Hallmark channel on all weekend?

The holidays can be a tricky time for single women who thought life had meaning without a romantic relationship. As you find yourself hunkering down on the couch recovering from the high stress o…

“Spread cheer at Christmas!” tweets woman who just threw defective holiday candle at 16-year-old cashier

TORONTO – Yesterday afternoon, Sandra Johnson, a mother of three with an active social media presence, tweeted the heart-warming sentiment “Spread cheer at Christmas!” to her followers, just five…

Vibranium stocks tumble as U.S. raises tariffs on Wakanda

NEW YORK – Vibranium stocks and vibranium-rich mutual funds took a nosedive this morning as the United States announced a new series of tariffs on the tiny East African nation of Wakanda. T…

Millennial Christmas party evacuated as guests run out of TV shows to talk about

TORONTO — Guests at a holiday party hosted by millennial couple Elaine Royce and Andray Parker were evacuated by first responders as their guests realized they had run out of TV series to m…

Venetian flood eases traffic

VENICE, ITALY — A record-breaking number of floods in Venice, Italy has significantly eased traffic congestion by opening a number of options for commuters to get to work. “It’s so convenie…

Office holiday party finally gives co-workers chance to spend more time together

Markham, ON – a local office’s annual holiday party has given employees exactly what they’ve always wanted: the chance to spend more time surrounded by their co-workers. “Oh man finally,” s…

Jason Kenney’s war room unveils new, one-of-a-kind logo

EDMONTON – After being caught plagiarizing a US tech company’s logo for his government’s Canadian Energy Centre, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has unveiled a new, unique logo. “It’s called t…

J. K. Rowling announces that Hermione is a TERF

EDINBURGH – In the latest of a slew of Harry Potter retconning, J. K. Rowling recently tweeted that the beloved know-it-all Hermione Granger is a trans-exclusionary radical feminist who is …