‘Did you know I’m not drinking alcohol this month?’ says woman to her empty bed
TORONTO – After a long and thoughtful self-care journey, Valerie Duncan has decided to give up drinking this month. A decision she has specifically chosen to disclose to her cold, empty bed…
Scientists confirm Kraft Dinner has never once successfully fed four people
TORONTO – In a startling revelation yesterday, a team of scientists at the University of Toronto released a report providing irrefutable evidence that a single box of Kraft Dinner, contrary to it…
TV viewers wary of upcoming Game of Thrones/This is Us crossover episode
LOS ANGELES – While fans of HBO’s Game of Thrones are eagerly awaiting the upcoming premiere of the show’s eighth and final season, many are expressing concern with the decision to broadcast a la…
Author of novel about dragons insists misogyny was historically accurate
NEW YORK CITY – Robert L. Stonesmith, author of the massively popular fantasy novel “The Fires of Ravensmoor”, took to Twitter yesterday to defend the book’s rampant sexism, stating that hi…
Trudeau always assumed he would be taken down by much sexier scandal
OTTAWA — Following criticism of his decision to oust Jody Wilson-Raybould from the Liberal caucus in the fallout of the SNC-Lavalin affair, Prime Minister Trudeau has replied that he always…
What the hell are YOU looking at?!
By Powehi, the Black Hole…
If I do not inculcate ideals of violence and aggression in my son, how will he appreciate cowboy movies?
By Herbert Smimmer A time in our lives has arrived when words like “toxic masculinity” are getting thrown around like we used to throw around baseballs before fathers got too busy watching RuPaul…
Jason Kenney blasts Rachel Notley for not loving Alberta enough to commit electoral fraud to win party leadership
CALGARY – After weeks of denial, Jason Kenney has changed tack and is not only leaning into the allegations that he committed fraud to win the UCP leadership race in 2017, but is questionin…
‘Maybe this is the year the Leafs beat Boston,’ says delusional idiot who doesn’t know shit
TORONTO – Local man Dennis Hendricks believes this could be the year the Leafs finally end their playoff losing streak against the Boston Bruins, mostly because he’s a dumb fuck who says du…
Man who just open mouthed sneezed into your ear is pretty sure it’s just allergies
JASPER, AB — On her usual morning commute, Ainsley Stephens, 26, has been informed that the strange man who sneezed into her ear without covering his mouth “has allergies, not a cold,…