Uncle launches full-scale investigation into where vegan nephew gets their protein
Peterborough, ON – Local uncle Jim Layton has begun a wide-ranging investigation after his nephew, Skylar Layton, has revealed he has been a vegan for two years yet is still able to live. “…
Liberals to finally repeal law requiring nation’s mothers to call us every time someone they know gets cancer
OTTAWA – The Liberal Party announced today that they will finally move forward to repeal the ‘Have You Heard About’ Law, which requires every Canadian mother to immediately phon…
102 years after Halifax Explosion, Dartmouth still waiting for reconstruction
DARTMOUTH, NS – More than a century after a devastating explosion rocked Halifax and the surrounding area, one city is still waiting for relief: Dartmouth. The city of 65,000 survivors and …
Public advised of aggressive panhandler from Alberta who will probably just spend money on corporate tax cuts
OTTAWA – Police are advising the Canadian public to stay away from an aggressive panhandler from Alberta asking for billions and blocking any forward progress if his demands are not met. Th…
“Kids just don’t play like they used to” says dead body down by the quarry
BOBCAYGEON, ON — On a grey November morn down by a not often trodden down path near a quarry it has been reported by Phil Douglass, deceased January 10, 1996, that children “just don’…
Fighting dirty, Andrew Scheer refuses to give Tories who don’t support him any of his homemade fudge
OTTAWA – Taking a stand against Conservatives who have called on him to stand down as leader, Andrew Scheer has been going to party meetings around the country with a tray of homemade fudge…
Russia to participate at the Olympics by representing Ukraine
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladmir Putin says his country’s athletes will still be participating in the Olympics despite a 4 year ban by representing the country Russia is partially occupyi…
Incels rejoice! A Chad and Stacy have broken up
OTTAWA – The Involuntarily Celibate community received a giant boon after news that a couple comprised of both a Stacy and a Chad have broken up. With further news breaking that Chad Cunnin…
Terrible first date enters 7,200th second
MONTREAL — In a seemingly never-ending sequence of horrible moments, a first date between Melanie Tremblant and Danny Simpson has just entered its 7,200th second and currently shows no signs of e…
