Report: Cargo ship captain distracted by the awe-inspiring beauty of Welland

WELLAND – Two cargo ships collided in the Welland Canal after a captain was bedazzled by the sight and tremendous beauty of the City of Welland. “They call this utopia the ‘Rose City,’” sai…

Only Canadian who supports reopening US border catapulted across Detroit River

WINDSOR – The only Canadian who responded ‘yes’ to an Nanos poll on whether Canada should reopen the Canada-US border for non-essential travel has been promptly ejected from the country via…

Liberals desperately searching for a Liberal without ties to WE Charity

OTTAWA – As yet another Liberal, this time Finance Minister Bill Morneau, has been shown to have links to the WE Charity which was briefly awarded control of a $900 million student summer g…

Allow me to use my nationally syndicated column to tell you how my voice is being suppressed

By: Edgar Finkel You may have read the recent Harper’s letter in which prominent writers like Malcolm Gladwell and JK Rowling expressed a deep concern over the growing intolerance for opposing vi…

Man who said ‘Believe All Women’ clarifies he did not mean the ones accusing him

OTTAWA – Kyle Traylor, self-proclaimed feminist, recently amended his previous claims that we should ‘Believe All Women,’ indicating that, “Yes of course we need to believe all women” but t…

Man who records his refusal to wear a mask determined to turn local humiliation global

KINGSTON, ON – After being politely asked to comply with public health mandates to wear a mask at local establishments during a global pandemic, local man Clarence Heart pulled out his phon…

“COVID barely kills anyone,” says man who would probably be pretty annoyed if we killed him

TORONTO – A man protesting lockdown and mask measures has made the point that very few people will actually die of COVID-19 despite the fact that he would probably be at least a little piss…

Employee’s Zoom backgrounds more creative than his last 40 ideas

TORONTO – Local office worker Harvey Bibby surprised co-workers in virtual meetings this week with a series of marvelous Zoom meeting backgrounds, each more creative than the last, while contribu…

Saskatchewan man keeps reminding people that CFL season was postponed too

REGINA – Amidst conversations about the NHL, NBA and MLB seasons possibly resuming soon, local man Gord Marsh is reminding people that the CFL season was also postponed as a result of COVID…

Doug Ford extends emergency orders until end of his term

QUEEN’S PARK – In an effort to improve his public image, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has extended the emergency orders placed on the province for exactly however long the remainder of h…