Ontario eases social distancing restrictions from “moderately” to “completely” confusing
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford announced this week that in order to calm public uncertainty about what Ontarians are supposed to be doing to keep themselves safe during the COVID-19 pandemic, the pr…
Alberta government encourages tire burning to make up for lost carbon emissions during pandemic
EDMONTON – The provincial government of Alberta is calling on residents to burn tires and other materials in an effort to make up for the lack of carbon emissions and environmental devastat…
Trudeau dangles suspected fraudster over balcony, demanding to know where his CERB money is
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is currently dangling local waiter Oliver Henderson over an apartment balcony, demanding repayment of all CERB funds paid to him. “You knew you were i…
OP-ED: “We must throw money at the police until they are too buried in money to continue with their racist malarkey” by Joe Biden
From the moment I launched my campaign, I have said that we are in the battle for the soul of this nation. A battle that could last a generation, requiring sacrifices and introspection. But I hav…
Amid J.K. Rowling controversy, local woman can finally admit she has never read any Harry Potter books
HALIFAX, N.S. – Following controversial comments made by J.K. Rowling on the validity of trans women, 36 year old Heather Markowski can finally admit she has never read any of the Harry Pot…
Droves of desperate people breaking into closed libraries to get hit of book smell
VANCOUVER – Months after libraries closed to the public in order to help stop the spread of COVID-19, librarians are sounding the alarm about increasing waves of break-ins caused by people …
Woman who sold pussy hats in Etsy shop couldn’t make BLM protest
JOSHUA TREE, CA – Brielle Waters, a self-proclaimed feminist who sold pussy hats in her Etsy shop, has reportedly been absent from the Black Lives Matters protests. “Listen, I wanted to be …
Protest movement that’s gotten murderous cops charged, raised support for defunding police devastated to lose approval of Dave and Cindy from Kelowna
KELOWNA — While the Black Lives Matter movement has succeeded in getting charges laid against the four police officers who murdered George Floyd, increased scrutiny into the deaths of Regis Korch…
Toronto Police Service seeks bold new leader committed to the status quo
TORONTO – Following Toronto Police Chief Mark Saunders’ announcement that he has chosen to step down, the city’s Police Services Board has announced that they are seeking a bold new l…
Canadian Dam Association releases report on the amount of work done by uncertified beavers
OTTAWA – A shocking centuries-long report has been released by the Canadian Dam Regulation on the amount of work done on the nation’s dams by uncertified beaver labourers. The report detail…
