Family selling van that each of their children lost their virginity in
BATHURST, NB – A 2008 Honda Odyssey that made multiple trips through Canada’s East Coast and was a hub for horny teens to lose their virginity in is up for sale. Rod, patriarch of the Delon…
Rioters demand return of Anne with an E
CHARLOTTETOWN – Cities across the country are paralyzed amid the chaos stemming from the cancellation of the CBC-Netflix series ‘Anne with an E.’ The protestors, ranging in age from 8-17 an…
5 best pizza slices in Toronto even though you’re just going to get Pizza Pizza again
Toronto is a foodie’s delight. And as much great food as there is in the city, sometimes nothing beats a perfectly done slice of ‘za. Which is why we’ve ranked the most mouth-watering pizza slice…
Trudeau, Ford bond over shared love of ethics violations
OTTAWA – At a meeting of the minds last week, Ontario’s Premier Doug Ford and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau found common ground in their shared love for disregarding ethical codes of conduct. The…
It’s too soon for stores to be hanging Christmas dildos
By: Aaron Buck The snow has arrived and with it, the approaching holiday season. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or simply use the cold weather to get close with family and friends, wh…
Toronto police address road safety crisis by teaching pedestrians to die more discreetly
TORONTO – Facing criticism for insufficient traffic enforcement and an increase in fatalities, the Toronto Police have unveiled a new workshop series for pedestrians, showing them how to die in a…
Medical resident who hasn’t slept in 36 hours wonders which patient he left his keys in
TORONTO – A sleep deprived medical resident finishing his required 36-hour shift has forgotten which patient he left his keys in. “Ah shit, not again,” Dr. Tate Williamson, rummaging throug…
Bruce Wayne warns wealth tax on billionaires could result in fewer crimes foiled via jet-powered cars
GOTHAM CITY — Following proposals for a wealth tax by Democratic primary candidate Elizabeth Warren, billionaire Bruce Wayne warned this tax could lead to a massive drop in colorful crimina…
Holy shit! Winnipeg wins something!
CALGARY – Early reports indicate that a team or organization relating to, or originating from, the city of Winnipeg has finally won a championship above the amateur level. Portage and Main …
Inspiring: Jennifer Aniston on turning 50, ghastly aging painting in attic
LOS ANGELES – Jennifer Aniston, radiant as ever at fifty, revealed that the secret to her perfect, wrinkle-free skin is a regular exfoliation routine, a daily meditation practice, and a gho…
