TORONTO – In response to the spike of Covid 19 cases across much of the nation, provinces are introducing new, stricter limits on the amount of people who are allowed to meet, which many experts assert will slow the spread of the virus and finally give you a reason not to hang out with figurative sweat stain Greg.
“The reason that we instituted these new rules was strictly to protect the public from the infection, avoiding that dweeb Greg was just an added bonus,” stated Chief Medical Officer of Health Dr. David Williams. “Kind of like how the lockdown allowed dolphins to return to the canals of Venice.”
In addition to using gathering restrictions to avoid Greg, people have used masks to hide themselves from Greg. Also, many businesses Greg likes still haven’t gotten provincial permission to reopen. This has led many to speculate that COVID is “a hoax, orchestrated by the deep state”, not to enslave humanity or enrich the Illuminati, but rather to get a reprieve from perennial dickhead Greg.
“It sucks that the border is closed and I can’t see my family,” stated Timothy Sharn, Greg’s old co worker that moved to Michigan. “But on the upside I don’t have to worry about running into Greg.”
Unfortunately no one has devised how to keep Greg out of online social interactions, although work on a Greg contact tracing app is progressing quickly.