TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford and his government is taking immediate action on a COVID-19 lockdown in the next 96-120 hours. “It was a difficult decision, but we’re swiftly acting within t...
Gingerbread-man trapped in gingerbread-house curses gingerbread-God
AURORA, ON – Early this morning, tiny whimpers were heard from a gingerbread-house as a gingerbread-man pleaded with his gingerbread-God to end his suffering. “Woe is me, that I labour each day ...
Conservatives discover police bad
CALGARY – In the wake of Calgary police arresting, manhandling and threatening to taser a man for violating COVID regulations while playing hockey, the right wing was shocked to discover that po...
Nine perfect holiday gifts to show over video chat but never actually deliver
Whether it’s reduced income, unpredictable delivery times, or unexpected shipping expenses, the pandemic has been challenging for all of us looking for the perfect holiday gift or gifts! With many fam...
All-Canadian NHL Division contributes to national unity by causing fans to hate all the other Canadian teams
NEW YORK – Rejoicing at the NHL’s nation-building project, Canadian hockey fans are ready to absolutely hate every opposing Canadian team. The new North Conference places all of the country’s te...
Couple goes ahead with wedding despite pretty big sign from God
LONDON – After 2 years of dating, local couple Lauren and Travis May celebrated their undying love for each other by tying the knot despite the fairly obvious and extremely large sign from God that m...
Poet takes road less travelled by, dies
BANFF, AB – Tragedy struck yesterday after poet Gregory Prince was found dead in the woods several kilometres off a popular hiking trail. Prince had been missing for several days after artistically an...
5 new party drugs that are just you taking your antidepressants regularly
Worried about being out of the loop when this is all over and you can finally go back to clubbing? Fear not: we’ve assembled this handy list of the latest party drugs to emerge during the COVID-19 pan...
COVID vaccine gives hope to hundreds who love arguing about vaccines
NATIONWIDE – With the current rollout beginning for the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine, many people across the country are excited about the chance to have bitter arguments about the safety and effecti...
5 manly masculine grooming kits for your disgusting boyfriend
‘Tis the season! It’s that faithful time of year where folks all over the country step up to the plate and give their significant others something utterly useless and mismatched to their personality. ...
