‘Tis the season! It’s that faithful time of year where folks all over the country step up to the plate and give their significant others something utterly useless and mismatched to their personality.
However, most consumers are paralyzed by the overwhelming amount of choice in today’s market. The Beaverton has expertly combed through the web’s “Best Gifts for Men” and selected the most okay skincare and grooming kits to gift your horrendously disgusting boyfriends.
1. Dove Men+Care Clean Comfort 5-Piece Set
A drugstore classic for a reason! Between stopping in to pick up more toilet paper and ibuprofen, you can easily chuck this handsome charcoal-hued set into your cart. All the products are pretty interchangeable, rub ‘em on your face, your balls, really doesn’t matter. Plus you just know he’ll love it, because his mom gave him the exact same set when he went off to university 8 years ago! He still has most of the items, somewhere!
2. Manscaped Performance Package
Is your hard-working guy a podcast devotee? Does his value self-optimization only if endorsed by the ex-host of Fear Factor? Then he’s probably been secretly eyeing this rugged kit from Manscaped! Sure you’ll be sweeping pubes out of the tile grout for the next year but it’ll be all worth it when you reassure him that yes, you used Rogan’s promo code. He’ll be so elated that he might even say something gross like how the ‘Ball Toner’ is actually a gift for the both of you…
3. Aesop Moroccan Neroli Shaving Duet
Aw, did your widdle boyfriend ask for a PS5 this year for Christmas? They might be pretty disappointed to find anything else sitting under the tree on the 25th, until of course you explain that Aesop is the Playstation of skincare. He’ll be overjoyed and definity understand the cultural cachet of paying over $100 to flex that pretty amber bottle.
4. Clinique for Men Starter Kit
This steely gray kit is only FOR MEN. Avert your eyes as you add it to your online shopping cart. Peek out between your fingers as you attempt to wrap it up. Close your eyes and gingerly feel around for space under your bathroom sink once you realize he hasn’t even taken it out of the box.
5. Kiehl’s Men’s Grab & Go Set
Maybe the gnawing dread that’s been eating you up about selecting a gift you understand your unhygienic boyfriend will despise is really about how you don’t understand him at all. And maybe about how he doesn’t really understand you either. You flick through aggregated lists of cheaply made products in the same shades of navy blue, olive green, and shart brown, hoping to find something that will reignite the spark that your relationship once held. How could two people drift so far apart while simultaneously co-existing? As you numbly opt to have this Kiehl’s delivered overnight, your partner sits across from you in dead silence, attempting to decipher which candle to purchase for you.